Estella rolled out her shoulders as she walked, relishing the burning feeling of muscles well-exercised. It was a sign that she was building strength and reflex, honing herself as well as she could, and so sheâd never minded, even on the mornings she woke sore and stiff as a result. The best thing for that was just more deliberate exercise, anyway, provided she minded the need for lighter days of recovery. She wasnât ever really short on opportunities for training, between Khari and whatever time her fellow Lions could manage to get to themselves. They were always willing to spend it on her, something she felt a bit guilty about, actually. But they didnât often give her a choice in the matter, as Hissrad wasnât now.
The Qunari man, nearly as tall as the Commander and about as broad, was not the most talkative of her friends, but nothing about his silence was ever awkward or even, to her, forbidding. He just didnât say anything unless he felt the need, and so the both of them were often silent in one anotherâs company. Today, though, they were talking, at least at the moment.
âI was not certain I believed it, when the others told me about the kind of taskmaster Rilien is. Clearly, they were correct.â Heâd agreed to assist with her instruction today, partly because Rilien was trying to teach her how to deal with opponents of far superior size, which Hissrad definitely was. Of course, it wasnât a proper lesson unless Rilien also completely outclassed her in the ring himself, but considering she felt like she learned so much every time, she couldnât be in the least upset about it. She took the lessons as a gift, because his time was valuable, especially of late. Honestly⊠it was probably as close as Rilien could really get to expressing fondness, in a roundabout way. She wore these particular bruises without shame, in any case.
âRemind you of the terrible old days?â she asked lightly, referencing the early years heâd spent being tutored in his role for the Qun. He hadnât specified exactly what it was, but since he said heâd almost died on a battlefield, and was also very good with a javelin or a mace, she assumed it was something martial.
He chuckled, shaking his head. âNo besrathari would work a soldier to that degree, lest there be more Tal-Vashoth than the Qun would know what to do with.â He smiled, and she mirrored the expression. Hissrad had never been hesitant to speak of his life before, nor indeed to tell jokes about it.
With several more minutes, they at last reached Estellaâs destination, which was the tavern. She wasnât the most frequent patron of such establishments, but tonight, she felt like a drink and perhaps a warm snack was in order. âWould you like to come in with me, Hissrad?â
âThank you, but no. I told Cor I would help him set up the targets for tomorrowâs ranged drilling.â Estella nodded her understanding, touching his elbow in passing as she headed for the door. She glanced back as she entered, huffing when she observed his mock-salute, turning to face forward again and stepping into the comfortable warmth of the building. The tavern kept a very large fire going in its generous hearth, and most of the patrons tended to gravitate towards it.
The place looked to be mostly empty tonight, though she saw several faces she recognized and could put names toâthankfully, sheâd always been pretty good with those, and was generally able to recall people if sheâd met them before. Of course, some people just stood out a great deal, and Vesryn, who also occupied the room, was one of them. Though the setting was a tavern and the hour was evening, he was rather free of company this time, something that surprised her a bit, considering his gregarious nature.
Stepping up to the bar, Estella ordered herself a brandy and debated the food for a moment before deciding against it. She was actually quite surprised when the barâs owner produced a snifter for the drink, sliding it across the bar with three fingers. Once sheâd counted out the price and thanked the woman, she took the glass in hand and turned back around, hesitating a moment before she decided it probably wouldnât hurt and picked her way over to Vesryn.
âWould you mind if I sat?â Technically, it wasnât necessaryâthere were enough empty places in the room that she could well find her own, but there was something about that thought that was fairly depressing, even for her.
"Of course not. I rarely turn down good company when it's offered, after all." Vesryn's table was situated in a warm corner of the tavern, near the fireplace, and had enough seating for four, though currently only he occupied it, positioned as he was on a comfy-looking corner seat. There were chairs on all sides of the table, accomodating Estella if she preferred to sit across from him rather than adjacent. She generally did, as she preferred to make eye contact with people when speaking to them, if she could, and so that was the seat she took, pulling her legs up to cross them underneath her. The snifter, she set down in front of her, dropping her hands into her lap for the moment.
He worked, currently, on a plate of food, steaming chicken breast with sides of corn and mashed potatoes, the dinner appearing about half-complete. His last bite of chicken was washed down with a mug of what looked to be simple ale. His armor was not in sight, nor the garish lion's pelt cloak; instead he wore a long-sleeved blue tunic laced down the center, and comfortable looking trousers and boots, both of black leather.
"It might surprise you, but I've spent a great many nights in isolation. As close as I can get to it, at any rate." He did not seem overly concerned about referring to Saraya, beyond a small flick of his eyes towards the tavern's other patrons, none of which were paying much attention to the corner of the room. "I do love the company of others, but some nights there are things that must be dwelled on. Perhaps the Lady Herald can dwell on them with me for a while." The title, as usual, was delivered with gently teasing humor. "I imagine it must be strange to you, what we spoke of earlier.â He huffed a quiet laugh to himself. "Itâs still strange to me, sometimes, a decade and a half later.â
âItâs certainly that,â Estella agreed without difficulty. Sheâd heard of possessions before, of course; over the course of her work with the Lions, sheâd even fought a few abominations. It was⊠never a pleasant experience, unsurprisingly. But that was the thingâpeople who had been possessed always showed signs of it, signs that became much more obvious in tense situations or ones that might pose a danger. She knew he wasnât possessed. If anything, her brotherâs⊠antagonism had proven it for her.
For a moment, she looked down into her lap, trying to gather the words she wanted. Estella was not good at speaking extemporaneously or improvising; she liked to consider the things she said and did, perhaps as a guard against foolishness, which she suspected she might otherwise end up falling into quite a lot. She smoothed over the hem of her maroon Lionsâ tunic, then glanced back up. âAnd itâs a very unique kind of strange, at that. But you know⊠Iâve seen a lot of strange things, and met a lot of strange people. Some of them have also been the very best people Iâve ever met.â Rilien came immediately to mind, of courseâa Tranquil who could sense magic, and sometimes, almost feel. But there were plenty of others, with varying degrees of oddity. It said something that, even with this mark, she was the most boringly ordinary person in the room, most of the time.
"I don't doubt that. I've had much the same experience. Though, I doubt there were many places as strange as Kirkwall in the last ten years. I've heard the stories." He took a long drink of ale, just about finished with the meal before him, and leaned back with a breathy sigh.
"You know... Saraya actually doesn't mind you. That's pretty high praise, I should say. She despises most people we meet, for one reason or another."
Estella smiled, a bit ruefully. She supposed she should take it as a compliment, of sorts, but it was rather tepid as far as they tended to go. Still, it wasnât like she was the kind of person on which warm praise was regularly heaped, so really it was quite nice. Especially considering just who Saraya was. âFrom someone who lived when humans were mere children, shaking swords at what they did not understand, thatâs actually quite humbling,â she pointed out, raising her snifter to her lips and taking a swallow. As it always did, the flavor rolled thickly over her tongue, an even mix of honeyed sweetness and sharp burn. That was what she liked about brandy. âA great number of us are still like that, unfortunately.â Then again, so were a great number of everyone, these days. She wondered if Thedas had ever been peaceful; probably the only candidates for it were the times before anyone but elves lived here, and then again for a while after the founding of the Imperium, before the elves had recovered any strength.
She was disinclined to consider that a candidate though. All oneâs enemies being dead or run out wasnât the same thing as peace. Estella brushed those thoughts away as well as she could, like trying to clear out a cobweb from her mind, and continued. âI bet it wasnât easy, though, for either of you, adjusting to this arrangement you have now.â She tried to imagine having a passenger inside her head, one whose emotions she could feel, and then trying to devise a method of communication, and even just coming to grips with the fact that someone else, or part of someone else, was there, for the foreseeable future. It seemed a daunting task, and she doubted she really had a grip on what was involved.
"I was an awkward, lanky, foolish boy when we found each other. I couldn't yet separate her feelings from my own, and all she felt in those first hours was a heart-splitting despair. Saraya wanted nothing more than a release from her suspension, and to her, I was simply a new prison. Her desire for death would've killed me, had I not been overcome by incredible pain, to the point where I could not move from a single spot on the floor." He seemed to enjoy telling the story, maybe just for the novelty of it to him, but clearly the memory was as painful as it was momentous.
Estella felt a sympathetic twinge of heartache, but aside from a slight tightening of her mouth, she didnât react overmuch. It was obvious that he hadnât said everything he wanted to, and she didnât want to interrupt him.
"I don't honestly know how we got control over it. Possibly just the time from the joining lessened the intensity of it. But to cut a long story short, she convinced herself that there was something yet worth doing in the world, and for better or worse, I was to be her vehicle. I'd never experienced anything like it, and I have to admit I was a bit wrapped up in the idea of being important somehow. Thus, I followed her will, and she molded me into a better man. All I am is owed to her."
He played absently with the handle of the mug in front of him for a moment, before meeting her eyes again. "You can see why I'm so protective of her, I'm sure. She carries a wealth of knowledge in her, information that I cannot properly comprehend, being neither a mage nor a person capable of hearing her words. I hope the deception can be forgiven. In truth, it was partially Saraya's interest in the Breach that drew me here. She has concerns about it, though if they extend beyond what the rest of us have, I can't yet say."
She shook her head emphatically. âEven if she had no such knowledge, it seems abundantly clear that sheâs your friend. You were doing what you felt like you had to do to protect her, and no one came to harm. I canât fault you for that. On the contraryâitâs admirable.â Estella smiled slightly. She was tempted to ask more about what Vesryn had learned from Saraya, about ancient civilization. She had, after all, a great interest in such histories herself, and always had. But she also didnât want to pry too much, or carelessly, even if he did seem to be all right with sharing some of the details at this point.
âIâd heard you were with the Stormbreakers at one point or another as well; what did you do between leaving them and finding us, if you donât mind my asking?â He seemed like the kind of person whoâd lived a most interesting life, and sheâd never been averse to hearing a good story.
"I was off receiving my education, for lack of a better term." The innkeep came by, collecting his plate, noting that Vesryn and Estella were in conversation, and attempting not to intrude. Vesryn smiled politely and waited for her to depart. "Those were the periods I spent alone. The Stormbreakers finished my physical training, but Saraya took me to places that no man or elf has touched for many, many years. Places lost to the world. I took a few things, at Saraya's urging. Weapons, armor. Other than that, I studied. Learned lost tongues. Deciphered ancient mysteries with nothing but guesswork, and an answerbook in my head to confirm or reject my propositions."
He sighed, somewhat sadly, and folded his hands together on the surface of the table. "Unfortunately, much of it can't be shared. The Dalish... they wouldn't understand. Probably view me as an oddity, or a madman, and go on with their dirge. Humans aren't interested, and if they are, it's rarely for the right reasons. There are sadly few with your kind of heart, I'm afraid."
Cyrus would be extremely interested, but for the moment, Estella elected not to say that. She would also love to know anything he had discovered, and frankly didnât understand why anyone wouldnât. But she could understand why he wouldnât simply go around telling people, and that stayed her questions for the moment. âIâd like to hear about it, someday,â she said, curious enough that at least that much couldnât remain behind her wall of self-censorship.
A thought occurred to her, then, a considerably lighter one, and she tilted her head to the side at him, smiling a little more mirthfully. âAlso⊠if sheâs just been there in your mind, and she canât talk to you, how is it that you knew Saraya was a woman, or what her name is?â
"It's..." He leaned back, fixating his eyes on the ceiling for a moment before they returned to her. "It feels different. Even before I asked her to make sure, which I did. The feeling of being a woman is different from that of being a man. I mean nothing by it, it's just..." He shrugged.
"As for the name, I actually don't know what her name is. There was a lot of time to guess, though. Saraya, when I guessed it, was one she liked enough for me to use. If for no other reason than to stop the guessing." A little grin formed over his features. "Our roads were rarely traveled, and very, very empty. As you might imagine, I'm fairly comfortable with one-sided conversations at this point."
Estella laughed, a soft chuckle more than anything, and nodded her head. She wasnât offended; it wasnât like heâd said there was something wrong with being female, and she had no doubt he didnât think there was, either. A smile lingered even after the laugh died away. âComfortable or no, they donât all have to be that way, for the moment at least. I doubt youâll ever be short on people willing to talk back to you around here, but Iâm one of them, if youâre ever so inclined.â She raised her glass with one hand, tilting it fractionally towards him.
âTo new roads forward?â
He raised his mug. "And to good company along the way."
The Qunari man, nearly as tall as the Commander and about as broad, was not the most talkative of her friends, but nothing about his silence was ever awkward or even, to her, forbidding. He just didnât say anything unless he felt the need, and so the both of them were often silent in one anotherâs company. Today, though, they were talking, at least at the moment.
âI was not certain I believed it, when the others told me about the kind of taskmaster Rilien is. Clearly, they were correct.â Heâd agreed to assist with her instruction today, partly because Rilien was trying to teach her how to deal with opponents of far superior size, which Hissrad definitely was. Of course, it wasnât a proper lesson unless Rilien also completely outclassed her in the ring himself, but considering she felt like she learned so much every time, she couldnât be in the least upset about it. She took the lessons as a gift, because his time was valuable, especially of late. Honestly⊠it was probably as close as Rilien could really get to expressing fondness, in a roundabout way. She wore these particular bruises without shame, in any case.
âRemind you of the terrible old days?â she asked lightly, referencing the early years heâd spent being tutored in his role for the Qun. He hadnât specified exactly what it was, but since he said heâd almost died on a battlefield, and was also very good with a javelin or a mace, she assumed it was something martial.
He chuckled, shaking his head. âNo besrathari would work a soldier to that degree, lest there be more Tal-Vashoth than the Qun would know what to do with.â He smiled, and she mirrored the expression. Hissrad had never been hesitant to speak of his life before, nor indeed to tell jokes about it.
With several more minutes, they at last reached Estellaâs destination, which was the tavern. She wasnât the most frequent patron of such establishments, but tonight, she felt like a drink and perhaps a warm snack was in order. âWould you like to come in with me, Hissrad?â
âThank you, but no. I told Cor I would help him set up the targets for tomorrowâs ranged drilling.â Estella nodded her understanding, touching his elbow in passing as she headed for the door. She glanced back as she entered, huffing when she observed his mock-salute, turning to face forward again and stepping into the comfortable warmth of the building. The tavern kept a very large fire going in its generous hearth, and most of the patrons tended to gravitate towards it.
The place looked to be mostly empty tonight, though she saw several faces she recognized and could put names toâthankfully, sheâd always been pretty good with those, and was generally able to recall people if sheâd met them before. Of course, some people just stood out a great deal, and Vesryn, who also occupied the room, was one of them. Though the setting was a tavern and the hour was evening, he was rather free of company this time, something that surprised her a bit, considering his gregarious nature.
Stepping up to the bar, Estella ordered herself a brandy and debated the food for a moment before deciding against it. She was actually quite surprised when the barâs owner produced a snifter for the drink, sliding it across the bar with three fingers. Once sheâd counted out the price and thanked the woman, she took the glass in hand and turned back around, hesitating a moment before she decided it probably wouldnât hurt and picked her way over to Vesryn.
âWould you mind if I sat?â Technically, it wasnât necessaryâthere were enough empty places in the room that she could well find her own, but there was something about that thought that was fairly depressing, even for her.
"Of course not. I rarely turn down good company when it's offered, after all." Vesryn's table was situated in a warm corner of the tavern, near the fireplace, and had enough seating for four, though currently only he occupied it, positioned as he was on a comfy-looking corner seat. There were chairs on all sides of the table, accomodating Estella if she preferred to sit across from him rather than adjacent. She generally did, as she preferred to make eye contact with people when speaking to them, if she could, and so that was the seat she took, pulling her legs up to cross them underneath her. The snifter, she set down in front of her, dropping her hands into her lap for the moment.
He worked, currently, on a plate of food, steaming chicken breast with sides of corn and mashed potatoes, the dinner appearing about half-complete. His last bite of chicken was washed down with a mug of what looked to be simple ale. His armor was not in sight, nor the garish lion's pelt cloak; instead he wore a long-sleeved blue tunic laced down the center, and comfortable looking trousers and boots, both of black leather.
"It might surprise you, but I've spent a great many nights in isolation. As close as I can get to it, at any rate." He did not seem overly concerned about referring to Saraya, beyond a small flick of his eyes towards the tavern's other patrons, none of which were paying much attention to the corner of the room. "I do love the company of others, but some nights there are things that must be dwelled on. Perhaps the Lady Herald can dwell on them with me for a while." The title, as usual, was delivered with gently teasing humor. "I imagine it must be strange to you, what we spoke of earlier.â He huffed a quiet laugh to himself. "Itâs still strange to me, sometimes, a decade and a half later.â
âItâs certainly that,â Estella agreed without difficulty. Sheâd heard of possessions before, of course; over the course of her work with the Lions, sheâd even fought a few abominations. It was⊠never a pleasant experience, unsurprisingly. But that was the thingâpeople who had been possessed always showed signs of it, signs that became much more obvious in tense situations or ones that might pose a danger. She knew he wasnât possessed. If anything, her brotherâs⊠antagonism had proven it for her.
For a moment, she looked down into her lap, trying to gather the words she wanted. Estella was not good at speaking extemporaneously or improvising; she liked to consider the things she said and did, perhaps as a guard against foolishness, which she suspected she might otherwise end up falling into quite a lot. She smoothed over the hem of her maroon Lionsâ tunic, then glanced back up. âAnd itâs a very unique kind of strange, at that. But you know⊠Iâve seen a lot of strange things, and met a lot of strange people. Some of them have also been the very best people Iâve ever met.â Rilien came immediately to mind, of courseâa Tranquil who could sense magic, and sometimes, almost feel. But there were plenty of others, with varying degrees of oddity. It said something that, even with this mark, she was the most boringly ordinary person in the room, most of the time.
"I don't doubt that. I've had much the same experience. Though, I doubt there were many places as strange as Kirkwall in the last ten years. I've heard the stories." He took a long drink of ale, just about finished with the meal before him, and leaned back with a breathy sigh.
"You know... Saraya actually doesn't mind you. That's pretty high praise, I should say. She despises most people we meet, for one reason or another."
Estella smiled, a bit ruefully. She supposed she should take it as a compliment, of sorts, but it was rather tepid as far as they tended to go. Still, it wasnât like she was the kind of person on which warm praise was regularly heaped, so really it was quite nice. Especially considering just who Saraya was. âFrom someone who lived when humans were mere children, shaking swords at what they did not understand, thatâs actually quite humbling,â she pointed out, raising her snifter to her lips and taking a swallow. As it always did, the flavor rolled thickly over her tongue, an even mix of honeyed sweetness and sharp burn. That was what she liked about brandy. âA great number of us are still like that, unfortunately.â Then again, so were a great number of everyone, these days. She wondered if Thedas had ever been peaceful; probably the only candidates for it were the times before anyone but elves lived here, and then again for a while after the founding of the Imperium, before the elves had recovered any strength.
She was disinclined to consider that a candidate though. All oneâs enemies being dead or run out wasnât the same thing as peace. Estella brushed those thoughts away as well as she could, like trying to clear out a cobweb from her mind, and continued. âI bet it wasnât easy, though, for either of you, adjusting to this arrangement you have now.â She tried to imagine having a passenger inside her head, one whose emotions she could feel, and then trying to devise a method of communication, and even just coming to grips with the fact that someone else, or part of someone else, was there, for the foreseeable future. It seemed a daunting task, and she doubted she really had a grip on what was involved.
"I was an awkward, lanky, foolish boy when we found each other. I couldn't yet separate her feelings from my own, and all she felt in those first hours was a heart-splitting despair. Saraya wanted nothing more than a release from her suspension, and to her, I was simply a new prison. Her desire for death would've killed me, had I not been overcome by incredible pain, to the point where I could not move from a single spot on the floor." He seemed to enjoy telling the story, maybe just for the novelty of it to him, but clearly the memory was as painful as it was momentous.
Estella felt a sympathetic twinge of heartache, but aside from a slight tightening of her mouth, she didnât react overmuch. It was obvious that he hadnât said everything he wanted to, and she didnât want to interrupt him.
"I don't honestly know how we got control over it. Possibly just the time from the joining lessened the intensity of it. But to cut a long story short, she convinced herself that there was something yet worth doing in the world, and for better or worse, I was to be her vehicle. I'd never experienced anything like it, and I have to admit I was a bit wrapped up in the idea of being important somehow. Thus, I followed her will, and she molded me into a better man. All I am is owed to her."
He played absently with the handle of the mug in front of him for a moment, before meeting her eyes again. "You can see why I'm so protective of her, I'm sure. She carries a wealth of knowledge in her, information that I cannot properly comprehend, being neither a mage nor a person capable of hearing her words. I hope the deception can be forgiven. In truth, it was partially Saraya's interest in the Breach that drew me here. She has concerns about it, though if they extend beyond what the rest of us have, I can't yet say."
She shook her head emphatically. âEven if she had no such knowledge, it seems abundantly clear that sheâs your friend. You were doing what you felt like you had to do to protect her, and no one came to harm. I canât fault you for that. On the contraryâitâs admirable.â Estella smiled slightly. She was tempted to ask more about what Vesryn had learned from Saraya, about ancient civilization. She had, after all, a great interest in such histories herself, and always had. But she also didnât want to pry too much, or carelessly, even if he did seem to be all right with sharing some of the details at this point.
âIâd heard you were with the Stormbreakers at one point or another as well; what did you do between leaving them and finding us, if you donât mind my asking?â He seemed like the kind of person whoâd lived a most interesting life, and sheâd never been averse to hearing a good story.
"I was off receiving my education, for lack of a better term." The innkeep came by, collecting his plate, noting that Vesryn and Estella were in conversation, and attempting not to intrude. Vesryn smiled politely and waited for her to depart. "Those were the periods I spent alone. The Stormbreakers finished my physical training, but Saraya took me to places that no man or elf has touched for many, many years. Places lost to the world. I took a few things, at Saraya's urging. Weapons, armor. Other than that, I studied. Learned lost tongues. Deciphered ancient mysteries with nothing but guesswork, and an answerbook in my head to confirm or reject my propositions."
He sighed, somewhat sadly, and folded his hands together on the surface of the table. "Unfortunately, much of it can't be shared. The Dalish... they wouldn't understand. Probably view me as an oddity, or a madman, and go on with their dirge. Humans aren't interested, and if they are, it's rarely for the right reasons. There are sadly few with your kind of heart, I'm afraid."
Cyrus would be extremely interested, but for the moment, Estella elected not to say that. She would also love to know anything he had discovered, and frankly didnât understand why anyone wouldnât. But she could understand why he wouldnât simply go around telling people, and that stayed her questions for the moment. âIâd like to hear about it, someday,â she said, curious enough that at least that much couldnât remain behind her wall of self-censorship.
A thought occurred to her, then, a considerably lighter one, and she tilted her head to the side at him, smiling a little more mirthfully. âAlso⊠if sheâs just been there in your mind, and she canât talk to you, how is it that you knew Saraya was a woman, or what her name is?â
"It's..." He leaned back, fixating his eyes on the ceiling for a moment before they returned to her. "It feels different. Even before I asked her to make sure, which I did. The feeling of being a woman is different from that of being a man. I mean nothing by it, it's just..." He shrugged.
"As for the name, I actually don't know what her name is. There was a lot of time to guess, though. Saraya, when I guessed it, was one she liked enough for me to use. If for no other reason than to stop the guessing." A little grin formed over his features. "Our roads were rarely traveled, and very, very empty. As you might imagine, I'm fairly comfortable with one-sided conversations at this point."
Estella laughed, a soft chuckle more than anything, and nodded her head. She wasnât offended; it wasnât like heâd said there was something wrong with being female, and she had no doubt he didnât think there was, either. A smile lingered even after the laugh died away. âComfortable or no, they donât all have to be that way, for the moment at least. I doubt youâll ever be short on people willing to talk back to you around here, but Iâm one of them, if youâre ever so inclined.â She raised her glass with one hand, tilting it fractionally towards him.
âTo new roads forward?â
He raised his mug. "And to good company along the way."