Estella took a moment to stretch after rising from her desk. Her limbs felt too heavy from sitting as long as she had, but the business at Adamant meant more paperwork for everyone, or at least everyone who had to deal with it. She'd spent the entirety of the first day back at Skyhold trying to catch up. Bouncing a little on the pads of her feet, she reached for her cloak and settled it over her shoulders. Spring was slow to come to Skyhold, and that seemed to suit, for once. No doubt they'd be somewhere else eventually, and the climate would be completely different yet again.
But tonight, she would be looking backward, not forward. Pretty much everyone who'd known Nostariel planned to be at the Herald's Rest that evening, a sort of solidarity with Ashton that had only needed minimal planning, since all of them intended to do it anyway. She was no different, and she knew her fellow Lions all felt the same.
Fastening the clasp on the cloak, she hastened along the hallway out of her office, intending to meet Rilien at the front door before he departed. It was easy to set any sort of timing by him; he was much more accurate than the fat tapers that burned candlemarks for the hour. So he'd be heading out the front doors of the keep with precisely enough time remaining to make it to the tavern at the appointed hour.
Her own estimations of the time were clearly not far off; he appeared only moments after she did, similarly cloaked and with his hood drawn up around his head. Rilien came to a stop exactly a foot and a half from Estella, meeting her eyes with the same steady equanimity she was used to. âI am sure the others have already begun. That is the way of such things." His eyes turned to the door, and he laid a palm against it, pushing it open and striding out past the guards posted there.
Both recognized him clearly enough, despite the cloak, and dipped their heads in acknowledgment. When Estella followed, they offered more enthusiastic salutes, acknowledging her with the customary Lady Herald. Rilien paid them no mind, starting down the stairs with a sure-footedness that spoke of no concerns for possible ice on the stone. He matched her pace, though.
Being rather more prone to accidents than he was, she took the stairs carefully. Not all ice would be visible at this hour. Her breath fogged out in front of her, an unpleasant reminder of something she'd seen in the not-too-distant past. Frowning, she tried to move her thoughts to other things.
âHow is he?" She thought it likely that Rilien had ridden beside Ashton for much, if not all, of the journey back from the Approach. She knew them to be very close friends, though she was unsure it was a word Rilien himself would use. Perhaps some things were just more obvious from the outside.
âAs you would expect." As usual, Rilien did not bother with an excess of words. They reached the landing and struck off towards the tavern. The mottled darkness of his cloak seemed to blend at the edges with the dark surroundings, lit only sporadically this late into the evening. The windows of the tavern ahead spilled warm yellow light onto the surroundings, but did not reach that far on their own. His feet were noiseless, even over the occasional patch of snow.
Abruptly, she caught a flash of white, as he turned enough to the side that she could see one of the front locks of his hair. âThe Fade. Being there was unpleasant for you. Not only because of this."
He never seemed to ask her many questions. Just to know what was inside her head. Often better than she knew it. This no longer surprised her, nor did the direct way in which he brought his observations to her attention. âIt was," she said softly, the sound almost lost in the crunch her boots made over the snow. She thought for a moment of trying to move silently like he'd taught her, but discarded it. Such things weren't natural to her the way they were for him.
âBut I think... I think I'm all right. There are things I need to think about more, and maybe some things I need to talk about, too, but..." She wasn't completely certain of that, yet. Perhaps what she'd seen was better left alone. It wasn't the kind of thing that she could fix by talking about it, she didn't think. Or maybe just not now. âHonestly, I'd rather be doing than thinking, at the moment." Not that there was much she could do, either.
Rilien accepted this without evident difficulty, falling silent until they reached the tavern entrance. At that point he pulled open the door and gestured for her to precede him inside, pulling the door closed behind the both of them and dropping his hood.
The tavern was quite a bit fuller than usual, what with the addition of all the Lions the Inquisition employed, Sparrow, Aurora and a few of her mages, themselves, and of course Ashton. Everyone sat at one of the longer tables to one side of the room, well away from the normal reverie and so on. Rilien took the seat directly to Ashton's left, leaving the space next to him open, presumably for her. She took it, sliding in across from Hissrad, who sat between Cor and Donnelly on the opposite side. He slid a drink across the table to herâbrandy. Apparently he'd seen fit to order it ahead of time. She murmured her thanks. Lia sat on Cor's right, well into her own drink. She offered Estella a small smile and a wave in greeting. Aurora sat on the other side of Donnelly where she leaned heavily against him, one arm across her chest, and the other keeping her chin propped up. She acknowledged their arrival with a glance, but couldn't bring herself to smile. Sparrow had occupied the seat to Ashtonâs right. Her mouth was pinched into a thin line, and it appeared as if sheâd already been nursing a goblet of her own.
Ashton never stirred while Rilien took his seat, his head buried into the crook of his arms. A number of empty tankards lay in a haphazard mess around him, a hint that his arrival had been much earlier than any of theirs.
The quietâfor it wasn't quite a silence, despite the obvious discomfort involvedâstretched out a little too long after that. Estella had never considered herself especially cut out for reaching people, and she doubted very much there was anything she could say or do for Ashton now, except perhaps to remind him that there were people who cared about him, if the gathering itself had not proven the point already.
âAre you healing up okay?" she asked him, eyeing the tankards with some trepidation. For as long as she'd known them, both Nostariel and Ashton had refused all manner of drinks, even the first one at a social engagement. That usually meant someone had kicked an addiction. If that was so, this looked like a very dangerous relapse.
It took a while, but eventually Ashton drew his head up from within his arm, putting it chin in it instead. There were dark bags underneath his bloodshot eyes, his cheeks were gaunt, and whiskers were beginning to sprout from where he had forgone shaving. There was no spark in his eyes, no mischievous twirl to his lips. He was a man completely, and utterly, broken. He didn't answer immediately, but eventually sluggishly shook his head. "Yeah. I'm... I'm fine," he slurred. As if to refute his own admission, he reached for one of the upright tankards and lifted his head up far enough to give it clearance to his lips.
Sparrow hadnât moved much. She leaned her elbows across the table, chin planted on an upturned palm. Occasionally, she glanced at the top of Ashtonâs head. Perhaps, sheâd come here early as well. A large bottle of wine, half-empty, sat in front of her. While her cheeks had a blotch of rouge from drinking⊠there was no smile on her lips. Only knit concern pinching her eyebrows.
Next to Ashton, Rilien shifted, a motion Estella recognized as moving something tucked in his sleeve. A moment later, he withdrew a tiny glass vial, uncorking it and tipping the small amount of silvery fluid inside into Ashton's drink. âTonight will make him no worse." His deadpan was even weightier than usual, somehow.
Estella sighed softly. She supposed that was about the best they could hope for. Deciding it was better not to bother him for the moment, she moved her attention outward, to the rest of her friends. Talking about the Fade and what had happened there was a non-starter for obvious reasons.
Fortunately, she was saved from trying to figure out what to say instead by the arrival of several large platters of food. She had no idea who'd ordered it, but she suspected it was one of the Lions, since Hissrad was paying without even a hint of surprise. Probably better to have something in their stomachs; Estella didn't think she'd eaten since breakfast, come to think of it.
"I think we would've had that dragon if it stuck around," Lia said, barely having finished chewing her first bite. She was a bit red in the face, probably from the awkwardness at the table, but maybe some from her drink as well. "I hit it, almost in its eye. Right... here." She reached up with her little finger and touched a spot just beneath her left eye. Then she shook her head. "So close to blinding the damn thing. Ithilian told me about the first time he ever fought a dragon, he shot it right through the eye. Can't believe I missed." She took another drink, and continued digging into her food.
That caused Aurora to chuckle lightly. "The first time," she repeated. "Out of how many? Two, three?" she asked.
"Three," Lia admitted, almost begrudgingly. "I think only the last one was an actual high dragon... for whatever that's worth."
Donnelly seemed to be a little further into his cups than Lia was, but he was sitting relatively more still than usual, probably because of the fact that Aurora was leaning on him. "Bloody dragons all over Kirkwall, to hear the Commander's stories. And it was two at a time, the first time most of us fought one. And a bloody bunch of dragonlings. Nearly died."
Cor actually managed a weak chuckle at that. "I killed one of them. With help, of course." He tipped his mug at Estella. "Sadly the smaller one, but in our defense, they had the real vets on the other one. If I remember it right, Amalia flew for a while that time." He paused, brow furrowed, and said his next words with some obvious care. "We probably would have died, then and a dozen other times, if not for Nostariel."
"At least," Aurora agreed. She was quiet for a moment after that, simply staring into her wine glass. When the silence threatened to return, she spoke again, holding it at bay for at least a little more time. "I... first met her in the Hanged Man, did you know that?" she said, turning to Donnelly before glancing at the table as a whole. "I was eluding a Templar when I slipped away into the bar. It was random chance that I picked the table she sat at, but I'm glad that I did." She sighed with that, taking a drink from her wine glass.
"She showed me around Kirkwall after that, and we met Ithilian and Amalia..." She said, trailing off. For the first time she winced and held her hand to her lips, like she was attempting to hide their quivering.
A clunking thump sounded as Sparrow drew the wine bottle away from her lips and set it back in front of her. Now emptied. There was something in her eyesânot quite tears, but a brightness that caught the lamplight swaying from the sombre candles set up around the Heraldâs Rest. She leaned back in her chair and wrung one of her arms behind the armrest. She nodded in Auroraâs direction, letting her head loll back so that she was staring the ceiling.
âThatâs where I met her too. Sad souls, and all that. We were different. Even then, I donât know how she put up with me,â a wan smile tugged at her lips, a slip of a memory, before it wobbled off into frown. She shuttered her eyes for a moment and exhaled softly, âI didnât know who I was. Without her, I donât think⊠I wouldâve ever found out.â Her murky eyes dragged away from the hanging fixtures, and back towards the table, âI was better for knowing her. We all were.â
Without a word, Ashton shoved his chair back-- loudly scraping it against the floor. He stood and wavered, his body probably still unaccustomed to the unexpected surge of activity. Once he regained his balance though he left the table and back to make a swift beeline for the door, swaying with each step. He did not leave before he snatched a full bottle out from under one of the Lions on his way out however.
Rilien stood in a more measured fashion, glancing over the assembled. âI will take care of him." He glanced at Sparrow in a manner Estella could easily interpret as expectant and stepped away from the bench, turning towards the door. As he passed, he briefly touched her shoulder, as if to reassure her, but as with all instances of contact with him, it was brief, and light enough to have almost been imaginary.
Estella waited until the door had closed behind both of them before she spoke again. She knew none of them had meant to chase Ashton out, but hopefully his closest friends would be of greater comfort to him.
âNostariel saved my life," she said, sighing into her cup before taking a swallow. Setting it down on the table, she continued. âI'd been beset by bandits on the road, and was already half dead when the Lions found me. If not for her healing, I'd never have lived. And if not for her kindness, I'd never have stayed." There was more she could say, of course, but that seemed encapsulate what she meant perfectly well.
She exhaled heavily. âI don't know if any of you heard this already, but... she died so the rest of us could get out. She knew that's what she was doing, and she chose it. Ifâif there's any good way to die, that has to be it. She was protecting the things she cared about, the people that mattered to her." Not just Ashton, or the people who happened to be in the Fade with her, but the rest of them as well.
Sparrowâs movements were much softer, in her retreat. She bowed her head and pushed herself to her feet. Quietly. As soon as she passed by Estellaâs chair, she paused for a moment and a strained smile tugged at her lips, âSounds just like her.â From the shadows that splayed themselves across her face, it was difficult to tell what her expression read. She continued her gait and disappeared out the door.
"It does," Lia agreed. Her eyes had already started shining from the news Estella relayed, and when the table fell silent for a moment, she looked pensive, uncertain. But she took another drink and then cleared her throat.
"I wanted to tell a story I haven't told to anyone yet." She looked around at her fellow Lions. "Not even you guys. It's... not something I usually want to remember, but it's important. I was fifteen at the time, and I'd gotten myself into some pretty serious trouble." Pretty quickly she stopped meeting anyone else's eyes, her own just sort of settling near Estella's plate. "I was walking back from Ashton's shop in Lowtown, and a few shemlen followed me. They chased me into an alley. One of them was a city guardsman. I thought he was going to help, but he... hit me instead. They... well." Her lip curled up a bit for just a moment, perhaps in disgust, but she swallowed and shook her head.
"I killed one of them, and ended up in the Gallows. Ashton and Ithilian broke me out, but Ithilian had to stay behind. Ash took me to Nostariel's clinic. She healed me and Ash, and I told her what had happened to me." She paused briefly to wipe at her eyes. "And I'll never forget this. She knelt in front of me, put her hand on my knee..." She held an empty hand forward, mimicking the motion. "And she said, 'I wish I could undo everything that happened. I cannot, but what I can do is promise you something.' She promised me she would make it right, make it so it couldn't happen again. She'd go to the Viscount himself and make sure that the elves of Lowtown didn't have to fear the guards who were supposed to protect them. And if that didn't work, she said, 'I will conscript them all and let the Darkspawn have them.'" Lia smiled a bit at that, though she had to use the pause to also wipe a tear that rolled down her face.
"And she made it right. She and Ashton both. They helped Amalia get Ithilian back. They looked after me. They made our city safer. Ashton became a guard because of that, and worked his way to captain, and turned the city watch into something I didn't have to fear anymore. That's how they were together. If they saw something wrong, they didn't stop until it was right. And..." She sniffed. "Nostariel, she... she would do anything to help. And not just for her friends, for anyone that needed it. She... shit." She had to stop, burying her face in her hands and holding back a sob. It wasn't the first time Estella had seen her like this since Nostariel died, but it was the first time she'd really spoken of it.
Estella found that there were tears in her own eyes, too. Cor delicately set a hand on Lia's upper back, rubbing back and forth with a sort of caution he only used with his closest friends. She was glad he did, because she would have done the same, if she were sitting next to Lia instead of across from her. Donnelly sniffed a bit, half-hugging Aurora beside him and staring resolutely at the table in front of him. Hissrad took a deep draught from his cup, then pulled another forward.
âShe was the best kind of friend to have," Estella said. The words didn't feel like enough. They weren't enough. But they were all she had. Her fingers were shaky when she wrapped them around her glass; the liquid inside sloshed softly when she lifted it a little ways off the table.
âTo Nostariel. And all she made possible." The toast was quiet, a thing of mourning and reflection rather than celebration. Perhaps in time they would be able to tell the more lighthearted stories, and laugh when they remembered instead of grieving. But they couldn't yet, and that was only to be expected.
Lia, who had let her weight sag against Cor, made a quick attempt to pull herself together, and grabbed her nearly empty glass. "Nostariel. We'll make it right."
The others followed suit, raising theirs to gently clink together.
"Nostariel."
But tonight, she would be looking backward, not forward. Pretty much everyone who'd known Nostariel planned to be at the Herald's Rest that evening, a sort of solidarity with Ashton that had only needed minimal planning, since all of them intended to do it anyway. She was no different, and she knew her fellow Lions all felt the same.
Fastening the clasp on the cloak, she hastened along the hallway out of her office, intending to meet Rilien at the front door before he departed. It was easy to set any sort of timing by him; he was much more accurate than the fat tapers that burned candlemarks for the hour. So he'd be heading out the front doors of the keep with precisely enough time remaining to make it to the tavern at the appointed hour.
Her own estimations of the time were clearly not far off; he appeared only moments after she did, similarly cloaked and with his hood drawn up around his head. Rilien came to a stop exactly a foot and a half from Estella, meeting her eyes with the same steady equanimity she was used to. âI am sure the others have already begun. That is the way of such things." His eyes turned to the door, and he laid a palm against it, pushing it open and striding out past the guards posted there.
Both recognized him clearly enough, despite the cloak, and dipped their heads in acknowledgment. When Estella followed, they offered more enthusiastic salutes, acknowledging her with the customary Lady Herald. Rilien paid them no mind, starting down the stairs with a sure-footedness that spoke of no concerns for possible ice on the stone. He matched her pace, though.
Being rather more prone to accidents than he was, she took the stairs carefully. Not all ice would be visible at this hour. Her breath fogged out in front of her, an unpleasant reminder of something she'd seen in the not-too-distant past. Frowning, she tried to move her thoughts to other things.
âHow is he?" She thought it likely that Rilien had ridden beside Ashton for much, if not all, of the journey back from the Approach. She knew them to be very close friends, though she was unsure it was a word Rilien himself would use. Perhaps some things were just more obvious from the outside.
âAs you would expect." As usual, Rilien did not bother with an excess of words. They reached the landing and struck off towards the tavern. The mottled darkness of his cloak seemed to blend at the edges with the dark surroundings, lit only sporadically this late into the evening. The windows of the tavern ahead spilled warm yellow light onto the surroundings, but did not reach that far on their own. His feet were noiseless, even over the occasional patch of snow.
Abruptly, she caught a flash of white, as he turned enough to the side that she could see one of the front locks of his hair. âThe Fade. Being there was unpleasant for you. Not only because of this."
He never seemed to ask her many questions. Just to know what was inside her head. Often better than she knew it. This no longer surprised her, nor did the direct way in which he brought his observations to her attention. âIt was," she said softly, the sound almost lost in the crunch her boots made over the snow. She thought for a moment of trying to move silently like he'd taught her, but discarded it. Such things weren't natural to her the way they were for him.
âBut I think... I think I'm all right. There are things I need to think about more, and maybe some things I need to talk about, too, but..." She wasn't completely certain of that, yet. Perhaps what she'd seen was better left alone. It wasn't the kind of thing that she could fix by talking about it, she didn't think. Or maybe just not now. âHonestly, I'd rather be doing than thinking, at the moment." Not that there was much she could do, either.
Rilien accepted this without evident difficulty, falling silent until they reached the tavern entrance. At that point he pulled open the door and gestured for her to precede him inside, pulling the door closed behind the both of them and dropping his hood.
The tavern was quite a bit fuller than usual, what with the addition of all the Lions the Inquisition employed, Sparrow, Aurora and a few of her mages, themselves, and of course Ashton. Everyone sat at one of the longer tables to one side of the room, well away from the normal reverie and so on. Rilien took the seat directly to Ashton's left, leaving the space next to him open, presumably for her. She took it, sliding in across from Hissrad, who sat between Cor and Donnelly on the opposite side. He slid a drink across the table to herâbrandy. Apparently he'd seen fit to order it ahead of time. She murmured her thanks. Lia sat on Cor's right, well into her own drink. She offered Estella a small smile and a wave in greeting. Aurora sat on the other side of Donnelly where she leaned heavily against him, one arm across her chest, and the other keeping her chin propped up. She acknowledged their arrival with a glance, but couldn't bring herself to smile. Sparrow had occupied the seat to Ashtonâs right. Her mouth was pinched into a thin line, and it appeared as if sheâd already been nursing a goblet of her own.
Ashton never stirred while Rilien took his seat, his head buried into the crook of his arms. A number of empty tankards lay in a haphazard mess around him, a hint that his arrival had been much earlier than any of theirs.
The quietâfor it wasn't quite a silence, despite the obvious discomfort involvedâstretched out a little too long after that. Estella had never considered herself especially cut out for reaching people, and she doubted very much there was anything she could say or do for Ashton now, except perhaps to remind him that there were people who cared about him, if the gathering itself had not proven the point already.
âAre you healing up okay?" she asked him, eyeing the tankards with some trepidation. For as long as she'd known them, both Nostariel and Ashton had refused all manner of drinks, even the first one at a social engagement. That usually meant someone had kicked an addiction. If that was so, this looked like a very dangerous relapse.
It took a while, but eventually Ashton drew his head up from within his arm, putting it chin in it instead. There were dark bags underneath his bloodshot eyes, his cheeks were gaunt, and whiskers were beginning to sprout from where he had forgone shaving. There was no spark in his eyes, no mischievous twirl to his lips. He was a man completely, and utterly, broken. He didn't answer immediately, but eventually sluggishly shook his head. "Yeah. I'm... I'm fine," he slurred. As if to refute his own admission, he reached for one of the upright tankards and lifted his head up far enough to give it clearance to his lips.
Sparrow hadnât moved much. She leaned her elbows across the table, chin planted on an upturned palm. Occasionally, she glanced at the top of Ashtonâs head. Perhaps, sheâd come here early as well. A large bottle of wine, half-empty, sat in front of her. While her cheeks had a blotch of rouge from drinking⊠there was no smile on her lips. Only knit concern pinching her eyebrows.
Next to Ashton, Rilien shifted, a motion Estella recognized as moving something tucked in his sleeve. A moment later, he withdrew a tiny glass vial, uncorking it and tipping the small amount of silvery fluid inside into Ashton's drink. âTonight will make him no worse." His deadpan was even weightier than usual, somehow.
Estella sighed softly. She supposed that was about the best they could hope for. Deciding it was better not to bother him for the moment, she moved her attention outward, to the rest of her friends. Talking about the Fade and what had happened there was a non-starter for obvious reasons.
Fortunately, she was saved from trying to figure out what to say instead by the arrival of several large platters of food. She had no idea who'd ordered it, but she suspected it was one of the Lions, since Hissrad was paying without even a hint of surprise. Probably better to have something in their stomachs; Estella didn't think she'd eaten since breakfast, come to think of it.
"I think we would've had that dragon if it stuck around," Lia said, barely having finished chewing her first bite. She was a bit red in the face, probably from the awkwardness at the table, but maybe some from her drink as well. "I hit it, almost in its eye. Right... here." She reached up with her little finger and touched a spot just beneath her left eye. Then she shook her head. "So close to blinding the damn thing. Ithilian told me about the first time he ever fought a dragon, he shot it right through the eye. Can't believe I missed." She took another drink, and continued digging into her food.
That caused Aurora to chuckle lightly. "The first time," she repeated. "Out of how many? Two, three?" she asked.
"Three," Lia admitted, almost begrudgingly. "I think only the last one was an actual high dragon... for whatever that's worth."
Donnelly seemed to be a little further into his cups than Lia was, but he was sitting relatively more still than usual, probably because of the fact that Aurora was leaning on him. "Bloody dragons all over Kirkwall, to hear the Commander's stories. And it was two at a time, the first time most of us fought one. And a bloody bunch of dragonlings. Nearly died."
Cor actually managed a weak chuckle at that. "I killed one of them. With help, of course." He tipped his mug at Estella. "Sadly the smaller one, but in our defense, they had the real vets on the other one. If I remember it right, Amalia flew for a while that time." He paused, brow furrowed, and said his next words with some obvious care. "We probably would have died, then and a dozen other times, if not for Nostariel."
"At least," Aurora agreed. She was quiet for a moment after that, simply staring into her wine glass. When the silence threatened to return, she spoke again, holding it at bay for at least a little more time. "I... first met her in the Hanged Man, did you know that?" she said, turning to Donnelly before glancing at the table as a whole. "I was eluding a Templar when I slipped away into the bar. It was random chance that I picked the table she sat at, but I'm glad that I did." She sighed with that, taking a drink from her wine glass.
"She showed me around Kirkwall after that, and we met Ithilian and Amalia..." She said, trailing off. For the first time she winced and held her hand to her lips, like she was attempting to hide their quivering.
A clunking thump sounded as Sparrow drew the wine bottle away from her lips and set it back in front of her. Now emptied. There was something in her eyesânot quite tears, but a brightness that caught the lamplight swaying from the sombre candles set up around the Heraldâs Rest. She leaned back in her chair and wrung one of her arms behind the armrest. She nodded in Auroraâs direction, letting her head loll back so that she was staring the ceiling.
âThatâs where I met her too. Sad souls, and all that. We were different. Even then, I donât know how she put up with me,â a wan smile tugged at her lips, a slip of a memory, before it wobbled off into frown. She shuttered her eyes for a moment and exhaled softly, âI didnât know who I was. Without her, I donât think⊠I wouldâve ever found out.â Her murky eyes dragged away from the hanging fixtures, and back towards the table, âI was better for knowing her. We all were.â
Without a word, Ashton shoved his chair back-- loudly scraping it against the floor. He stood and wavered, his body probably still unaccustomed to the unexpected surge of activity. Once he regained his balance though he left the table and back to make a swift beeline for the door, swaying with each step. He did not leave before he snatched a full bottle out from under one of the Lions on his way out however.
Rilien stood in a more measured fashion, glancing over the assembled. âI will take care of him." He glanced at Sparrow in a manner Estella could easily interpret as expectant and stepped away from the bench, turning towards the door. As he passed, he briefly touched her shoulder, as if to reassure her, but as with all instances of contact with him, it was brief, and light enough to have almost been imaginary.
Estella waited until the door had closed behind both of them before she spoke again. She knew none of them had meant to chase Ashton out, but hopefully his closest friends would be of greater comfort to him.
âNostariel saved my life," she said, sighing into her cup before taking a swallow. Setting it down on the table, she continued. âI'd been beset by bandits on the road, and was already half dead when the Lions found me. If not for her healing, I'd never have lived. And if not for her kindness, I'd never have stayed." There was more she could say, of course, but that seemed encapsulate what she meant perfectly well.
She exhaled heavily. âI don't know if any of you heard this already, but... she died so the rest of us could get out. She knew that's what she was doing, and she chose it. Ifâif there's any good way to die, that has to be it. She was protecting the things she cared about, the people that mattered to her." Not just Ashton, or the people who happened to be in the Fade with her, but the rest of them as well.
Sparrowâs movements were much softer, in her retreat. She bowed her head and pushed herself to her feet. Quietly. As soon as she passed by Estellaâs chair, she paused for a moment and a strained smile tugged at her lips, âSounds just like her.â From the shadows that splayed themselves across her face, it was difficult to tell what her expression read. She continued her gait and disappeared out the door.
"It does," Lia agreed. Her eyes had already started shining from the news Estella relayed, and when the table fell silent for a moment, she looked pensive, uncertain. But she took another drink and then cleared her throat.
"I wanted to tell a story I haven't told to anyone yet." She looked around at her fellow Lions. "Not even you guys. It's... not something I usually want to remember, but it's important. I was fifteen at the time, and I'd gotten myself into some pretty serious trouble." Pretty quickly she stopped meeting anyone else's eyes, her own just sort of settling near Estella's plate. "I was walking back from Ashton's shop in Lowtown, and a few shemlen followed me. They chased me into an alley. One of them was a city guardsman. I thought he was going to help, but he... hit me instead. They... well." Her lip curled up a bit for just a moment, perhaps in disgust, but she swallowed and shook her head.
"I killed one of them, and ended up in the Gallows. Ashton and Ithilian broke me out, but Ithilian had to stay behind. Ash took me to Nostariel's clinic. She healed me and Ash, and I told her what had happened to me." She paused briefly to wipe at her eyes. "And I'll never forget this. She knelt in front of me, put her hand on my knee..." She held an empty hand forward, mimicking the motion. "And she said, 'I wish I could undo everything that happened. I cannot, but what I can do is promise you something.' She promised me she would make it right, make it so it couldn't happen again. She'd go to the Viscount himself and make sure that the elves of Lowtown didn't have to fear the guards who were supposed to protect them. And if that didn't work, she said, 'I will conscript them all and let the Darkspawn have them.'" Lia smiled a bit at that, though she had to use the pause to also wipe a tear that rolled down her face.
"And she made it right. She and Ashton both. They helped Amalia get Ithilian back. They looked after me. They made our city safer. Ashton became a guard because of that, and worked his way to captain, and turned the city watch into something I didn't have to fear anymore. That's how they were together. If they saw something wrong, they didn't stop until it was right. And..." She sniffed. "Nostariel, she... she would do anything to help. And not just for her friends, for anyone that needed it. She... shit." She had to stop, burying her face in her hands and holding back a sob. It wasn't the first time Estella had seen her like this since Nostariel died, but it was the first time she'd really spoken of it.
Estella found that there were tears in her own eyes, too. Cor delicately set a hand on Lia's upper back, rubbing back and forth with a sort of caution he only used with his closest friends. She was glad he did, because she would have done the same, if she were sitting next to Lia instead of across from her. Donnelly sniffed a bit, half-hugging Aurora beside him and staring resolutely at the table in front of him. Hissrad took a deep draught from his cup, then pulled another forward.
âShe was the best kind of friend to have," Estella said. The words didn't feel like enough. They weren't enough. But they were all she had. Her fingers were shaky when she wrapped them around her glass; the liquid inside sloshed softly when she lifted it a little ways off the table.
âTo Nostariel. And all she made possible." The toast was quiet, a thing of mourning and reflection rather than celebration. Perhaps in time they would be able to tell the more lighthearted stories, and laugh when they remembered instead of grieving. But they couldn't yet, and that was only to be expected.
Lia, who had let her weight sag against Cor, made a quick attempt to pull herself together, and grabbed her nearly empty glass. "Nostariel. We'll make it right."
The others followed suit, raising theirs to gently clink together.
"Nostariel."