Leon sat patiently on one of the beds in the infirmary, awaiting his turn for treatment like everyone else. He supposed he could have enforced some kind of priority for himself, but he felt absolutely no inclination to do so. He wasn't here for anything terribly complicated anyway. Rilien was busy, and he needed help dealing with a few of the more troubling symptoms of his condition.
There were only a couple of healers on duty, seeing to practice injuries and more mundane illnesses as usual—there couldn't have been more than a dozen people to see on the average day, perhaps. A far cry from the chaos immediately after a battle. Leaning against the wall behind him, Leon tipped his head back and closed his eyes, letting the ambient noise of everyday activity wash over him. Underneath all of it, he was painfully aware of the workings of his own body: heartbeat, breath rate, the pulsing throb behind his temples, the much vaguer pains in his hands, and the deep ache that he was certain would never leave his bones.
Perhaps one day, he would be free of it. He did not look forward to such an occasion.
"Leon?" He needn't open his eyes to recognize Asala's lilting voice. Though when he did, he saw Asala approaching outfitted in set of white infirmary robes, these fortunately lacking the bloodstains the last one he saw her in had. "What can I help you with?" she asked, taking a seat in an adjacent bed.
Now there was a question with several possible answers. Leon turned his head slightly so he was meeting her eyes properly, but otherwise he didn't move much. “Good afternoon, Miss Asala. I was rather hoping you had something on-hand for headaches. Also, I seem to have split my knuckles during practice about an hour ago, so if there's some sort of healing tonic available, I'd very much appreciate it." He shifted so that the hand in question was visible. One of his calluses had indeed cracked, a much less frequent occurrence since he'd started regularly medicating it with ointments and lotions, but one that did still happen from time to time. Something of an occupational hazard, when he trained without gauntlets.
The crack was still oozing blood at a sluggish rate, but he'd at least staunched it himself already, as well as cleaning and disinfecting the initial injury. Were he not in the company of good healers, he'd have had to stitch it manually, in all likelihood. It was nice to be able to push a bit harder, knowing the solutions were less... time-consuming.
Asala held out her hand to receive Leon's own, and once she had it she looked at the injury. It was a relatively minor one, in comparison of the number of other injuries she dealt with on any given day. Apparently satisfied with the once over, she let her other hand hover over the injury and with a flash of magic the oozing stopped, replaced by a fresh scab. She then smiled at him and nodded, "Of course." With that simple answer, she stood and went to the cabinet that held the infirmary's medical supplies. She flipped through a few items, collected a few and returned only moments later.
First, she handed him a small muted crimson vial-- evidently smaller dose of the standard healing potion, "For the headache-- and it will help the healing process," she said, before handing him a small pouch. Judging from the shapes poking through the fabric, it held a few more vials. "In case you get any more." The next item she held for him to take was a roll of bandages, "Do you, uh, bandage your hands before you practice?" She asked, with a tilt of her head. "Aurora says the extra padding helps with the bruising."
“I do," he confirmed, offering a half-smile. “I'm quite sure I wouldn't have hands left, otherwise." Uncorking the vial she'd handed him by itself, he threw his head back and downed the potion in a single swallow. The relief wasn't immediate, settling in slowly instead, and Leon exhaled heavily, blinking. “My thanks."
"Did someone mention bruising?" the question came from Vesryn, the elf stumbling into the infirmary. He had quite a lot of that bruising already; he'd sloughed off his gear enough to reveal quite a few working their way up his arms, and his hands as well. He looked to have taken several blows to the head, too, though judging by the lack of severity he'd been wearing his helmet at the time.
Despite all that he seemed to still be in his usual good mood, and worked his way over to an empty bed, which he settled himself into with a sigh. "A small red bear attacked me, Asala. I don't know if you've seen many bears here in the Frostbacks, but even the small ones are quite ferocious. And the red ones are particularly strong."
"Bears?" Asala was taken aback by the revelation. "I--I have not seen any bears. We have bears?" she glanced between Leon and Vesryn for only a moment before she hurried to his side, immediately beginning to inspect them. It was in the middle of her cursory inspection that she realized something. "But... I do not see any claw marks?"
"I convinced the bear to engage in more honorable hand-to-paw combat, you see," Vesryn whispered, smiling conspiratorially. "If she comes back, I'll just have to fight her again."
Leon snorted, unable to stop that from turning into a bass-toned chuckle. Shaking his head, he cleared his throat. “Fear not, I know this particular bear. She would never attack unprovoked. And I do believe she's quite susceptible to bribery, at least in the form of food." He crossed his arms over his chest and smiled mildly.
"But... Why..." she stammered, unsure which line of questioning she should follow up on. The wheels turned in her head and her gaze switched between Vesryn and Leon, "... Hand-to-paw combat?" she added before she held up a hand. She simply sighed and shook her head, and apparently opted to instead just give up. She instead lit a healing spell in both hands and began diligently working on Vesryn's bruises.
“'Bear' is a metaphor, Miss Asala," Leon said, taking pity on her rather than making things worse. “What Vesryn is saying is that he was in a sparring match with Khari, and gained his bruises that way." He turned his attention to the elf then, though, tipping his head somewhat to the side. “Though I believe last time this happened, she was a fair bit worse off than you. I confess I'm a little surprised she's not here as well."
Asala's head whipped toward Leon when he revealed that Khari was the red bear, and a fraction of a second later she was staring at Vesryn with an annoyed pout. It was subtle, but Leon could make out Asala poking one of his fresh bruises with a finger.
"Ow!" he frowned up at her, not unlike a devious child that had just been scolded. "You should go and give him a poke, too. He played along for a bit." Shaking his head, he looked to Leon, his expression settling into seriousness. "Last time I had the help of an ancient arcane warrior in my head. I've begun practicing without her aid, for my own reasons. Khari's a fair bit better than me, it seems, when I don't have Saraya."
"Wait, who... who is Saraya?" Asala asked. Her pout had morphed into a rather curious look.
Vesryn looked quite skeptical for a moment, looking up at Asala from the bed. "You don't know yet? I thought this was the worst kept secret among the irregulars."
"You are... not going to make me feel foolish again, are you?" Asala asked Vesryn, her own face reading skepticism.
"The little red bear of Skyhold is more believable, probably, but this one's true. I assure you." There was no jest to his tone.
“I'm going to let you do the explaining on this one," Leon said, clear amusement seeping into his voice, though tempered by Vesryn's own solemnity. “I, on the other hand, should probably be getting back to work. Best of luck in your bear-fighting endeavors, Vesryn. I suspect it's obvious by now, but don't count on wearing her out." He stood, taking up the small satchel of potions Asala had given him, and lifted a hand in farewell to the both of them before ducking out of the entrance.
The infirmary wasn't too far from his own tower, though it wasn't quite as close by as Rilien's was. It still didn't take him long to get back, walking along the wall and allowing himself a small moment to notice the view before he continued back inside.
“Romulus." He was a little surprised to see the Inquisitor in his office, but not unpleasantly so. “My apologies; I had to make a trip to the infirmary. Is there something you needed?" Setting the satchel down on the edge of his desk, Leon moved his attention back to Romulus, unsure if he should sit or if this would require him to leave the tower again.
"Commander, ah... Leon." Romulus also wasn't sure whether to sit or not. He had been initially, in one of the seats on the other side of Leon's desk, but he got to his feet when Leon entered, only to look back down at the chair as though he regretted ever leaving. "I wanted to speak to you about something I saw while I was in the Fade. If you have a moment." He looked uncertain about it, to say the least, but he was here still, and knowing his hesitance had probably thought over his actions for a good deal of time already.
“Ah. Well, in that case, let's sit." Leon took the one behind his desk, moving aside a stack of paperwork currently obstructing his view of the chair and its occupant. He wasn't sure exactly what this topic was going to be, but perhaps there was some new piece of intelligence or information that had only now occurred to Romulus. He elected not to start taking notes unless he figured them necessary later, so he folded his hands together on the desktop.
“What was it that you saw?"
Romulus seemed to appreciate the suggestion of sitting, and sank back down into the chair. "It... had to do with you, specifically." He gave that a moment to sit, and then explained. "We were separated initially, but regrouped in a graveyard. The tombstones there had our names, and listed under them were fears, or feared causes of death, or... something. Yours just said 'time.'" He wound his hands together in front of him, studying Leon perhaps for a reaction, if any. "I feel like I might've helped Khari a bit with hers, I just thought I might be able to help you, too. With whatever it is you might be dealing with. I don't know if anyone else saw it."
Leon knew he wasn't completely able to hide his surprise. His lips parted for a moment, shock followed by resignation flitting over his face. “Well," he murmured, leaning his weight back into his chair. It creaked softly in protest, then settled. “It's the slowest weapon to strike, but the only one that never misses. Time takes us all... some more quickly than others." He knew why that word had appeared specifically for him, if those were the parameters, but he wasn't sure he wished to speak of it. Still... perhaps he should.
Romulus looked more uncertain than ever after the initial reception, as though he might flee on a moment's notice. Despite that, he stayed put, taking a moment to figure out what exactly he wanted to say. "Nightmare struck at us very personally. Mine said 'became a monster.' It was in keeping with my fears about what I've done in the past, and my fear of... corrupting the Inquisition, I suppose. Of always being a wicked person." He shifted uncomfortably in the seat. His eyes didn't seem able to settle on anything for long, but when they finally found Leon again, they stayed there.
"If you'd prefer I leave it be, I'll go. We can forget I brought it up. It just occurred to me that... you're our Commander. You look out for all of us as best you can, try to make sure all of us are at our best. But someone should be looking out for you, too. Maybe you already have that taken care of, but I thought I might be able to help. I want to, if I can."
Leon's eyes fell to the desktop for a moment; one hand reached up and rubbed uncomfortably at the light stubble on his jaw. “No... no, you're quite right. It's unfair that I ask the rest of you not to keep important things from me and then keep them from you." Strictly speaking, Rilien knew what was going on, and Leon had no doubt he'd be able to deal with it quite effectively if it ever came to that, but he shouldn't be keeping this from everyone else. Especially not those who relied on his advice.
And... he could not deny the impulse to tell someone else, to at least ease the weight of it a little bit. “I hope you'll bear with me if I take a bit of a roundabout way to get to it, but... it's not the easiest thing to understand, without all the information." Well, maybe the two-word version was, but any particular amount of detail required some background, anyway.
He finally moved his eyes back up, sighing slightly. “Forgive me, I'm not certain of Tevinter cultural knowledge on this matter, or yours. Do you know what a reaver is?"
He thought for a moment on the word, but then shook his head. "I don't think so. Assuming you're not referring to a reaver in the normal sense of the word."
“Ah, no. Not in the usual sense." Though he supposed there might well be people who were both. Letting his hand fall back to the desk, Leon explained. “A reaver is a particular type of warrior, one who uses the blood of dragons to tap into their potential, and who draws strength from pain and injury. It's a form of alchemical blood magic, actually; or the initial concoction is."
Needless to say, he'd been quite surprised when Ophelia explained it to him. That a Seeker would make use of something even distantly related to blood magic was almost impossible for him to believe at the time. It wasn't the first time she had made the world seem a little less black and white, and it wouldn't be the last. He shared the view, now. “Most of those of us who walk that path need only drink the tincture once. The magic takes quite easily, with such a potent reagent." That much, he was sure Romulus would understand better than most, as someone who seemed to know a fair bit of alchemy himself.
"Dragon's blood..." Romulus repeated, thoughtful. "I knew it had some powerful properties, but I've never had the chance to learn much about its uses." He looked more interested than disturbed. If anything, he took the revelation of his commander utilizing a form of blood magic quite well. It was likely he too did not think of the forbidden school in black and white terms. But there was a clear bit of concern on his face as well.
"Strong potions usually have strong side effects," he said, with a degree of certainty. "And rarely can the positive ones be separated from the negative."
“Quite," Leon said, inclining his head. “And it's also important to understand that I'm... unusually resistant to the effects of the reaver tincture. I have to take new doses nearly every time I enter battle, and that has been accelerating the long-term effects considerably." He glanced down at his hands, splayed on the desktop. The knuckles were callused and scarred, evidence of just how many times he'd torn them open. He didn't have the heart to tell Asala that wrapping them made no difference when he struck as hard as he did.
He flexed his left a bit, closing it into a fist and then opening it again. “And as it happens, I can't simply stop taking it. I find that... something stops me from killing. Even when I think it is necessary. Taking the tincture is the only way I can bring myself to do it." When that power hummed in his body, when his heartbeat was loud enough in his ears, it could drown out even his conscience. At least for a time.
“As you might expect, time is therefore a very mighty enemy indeed. I am dying, and I do not know how long it will take."
That seemed to affect Romulus a fair bit, and he sat up a little straighter, rubbing at the back of his neck. "That's..." He trailed off, mouth hanging open for a moment. "That's really unfortunate. I don't suppose... would it affect your other duties apart from battle if you were to stop taking it? If fighting with us is killing you..." He left the rest unsaid. The Inquisition had a growing army with a victory under its belt now. It seemed possible that the commander of their forces might not need to fight at the front. Though the tone Romulus suggested it with was not very strong, implying he didn't believe the idea had weight himself.
Leon smiled a bit, approximating his usual mild expression, though he wasn't entirely sure he replicated it exactly. “I doubt it would make too much difference at this point," he confessed. “But even if it did... it may not be necessary for me to take the field as often as some of the rest of you, but I cannot remain behind when there are fortresses to be sieged or demon armies to be felled. Our soldiers are well-trained, and stouthearted, but I will not let any of them die to foes I could have felled with little trouble."
His training was simply well above par, and his experience sufficient to ensure that he could do much in a battle that most simply could not. “It is just as important for morale that I be present when it counts. What kind of confidence would it show, if I hid behind the lines just when things became most difficult?" He shook his head. “Everyone dies of something sometime. This is... if there is a sword I would prefer to fall on, what we do here is it."
Romulus looked like he might pick something there to argue with, but in the end he restrained it, falling silent for a long moment before he nodded. "I'm sure you've thought a lot about this. Is there anything I can do to help?"
“That's kind of you," Leon said, the smile relaxing until it felt more natural on his face. “I haven't simply given up, for what it is worth. Rilien is working on some kind of alchemical solution. Perhaps if anything from your own expertise in the area strikes you as relevant to the problem, you wouldn't mind sharing the thought with him." He also really did need to talk to Cyrus about this, but that would have to be at some later date. “In the meantime, I only ask that this remain between us. I need to inform a few others, I know, but... I would like to be the one who does that. I promise I shan't wait long."
"Of course. I'll keep this to myself." The Inquisitor got up out of his seat, rubbing his hands together slowly. "I'll see if I can come up with anything, though I doubt I would have the necessary knowledge without being in contact with my... teacher." That thought obviously did not sit well with him, but he pushed it aside quickly enough.
"Thank you for telling me, Leon."
“And thank you, Romulus, for listening." He was surprised by how wholehearted the sentiment was. Perhaps telling the others would not be so bad, after all.
There were only a couple of healers on duty, seeing to practice injuries and more mundane illnesses as usual—there couldn't have been more than a dozen people to see on the average day, perhaps. A far cry from the chaos immediately after a battle. Leaning against the wall behind him, Leon tipped his head back and closed his eyes, letting the ambient noise of everyday activity wash over him. Underneath all of it, he was painfully aware of the workings of his own body: heartbeat, breath rate, the pulsing throb behind his temples, the much vaguer pains in his hands, and the deep ache that he was certain would never leave his bones.
Perhaps one day, he would be free of it. He did not look forward to such an occasion.
"Leon?" He needn't open his eyes to recognize Asala's lilting voice. Though when he did, he saw Asala approaching outfitted in set of white infirmary robes, these fortunately lacking the bloodstains the last one he saw her in had. "What can I help you with?" she asked, taking a seat in an adjacent bed.
Now there was a question with several possible answers. Leon turned his head slightly so he was meeting her eyes properly, but otherwise he didn't move much. “Good afternoon, Miss Asala. I was rather hoping you had something on-hand for headaches. Also, I seem to have split my knuckles during practice about an hour ago, so if there's some sort of healing tonic available, I'd very much appreciate it." He shifted so that the hand in question was visible. One of his calluses had indeed cracked, a much less frequent occurrence since he'd started regularly medicating it with ointments and lotions, but one that did still happen from time to time. Something of an occupational hazard, when he trained without gauntlets.
The crack was still oozing blood at a sluggish rate, but he'd at least staunched it himself already, as well as cleaning and disinfecting the initial injury. Were he not in the company of good healers, he'd have had to stitch it manually, in all likelihood. It was nice to be able to push a bit harder, knowing the solutions were less... time-consuming.
Asala held out her hand to receive Leon's own, and once she had it she looked at the injury. It was a relatively minor one, in comparison of the number of other injuries she dealt with on any given day. Apparently satisfied with the once over, she let her other hand hover over the injury and with a flash of magic the oozing stopped, replaced by a fresh scab. She then smiled at him and nodded, "Of course." With that simple answer, she stood and went to the cabinet that held the infirmary's medical supplies. She flipped through a few items, collected a few and returned only moments later.
First, she handed him a small muted crimson vial-- evidently smaller dose of the standard healing potion, "For the headache-- and it will help the healing process," she said, before handing him a small pouch. Judging from the shapes poking through the fabric, it held a few more vials. "In case you get any more." The next item she held for him to take was a roll of bandages, "Do you, uh, bandage your hands before you practice?" She asked, with a tilt of her head. "Aurora says the extra padding helps with the bruising."
“I do," he confirmed, offering a half-smile. “I'm quite sure I wouldn't have hands left, otherwise." Uncorking the vial she'd handed him by itself, he threw his head back and downed the potion in a single swallow. The relief wasn't immediate, settling in slowly instead, and Leon exhaled heavily, blinking. “My thanks."
"Did someone mention bruising?" the question came from Vesryn, the elf stumbling into the infirmary. He had quite a lot of that bruising already; he'd sloughed off his gear enough to reveal quite a few working their way up his arms, and his hands as well. He looked to have taken several blows to the head, too, though judging by the lack of severity he'd been wearing his helmet at the time.
Despite all that he seemed to still be in his usual good mood, and worked his way over to an empty bed, which he settled himself into with a sigh. "A small red bear attacked me, Asala. I don't know if you've seen many bears here in the Frostbacks, but even the small ones are quite ferocious. And the red ones are particularly strong."
"Bears?" Asala was taken aback by the revelation. "I--I have not seen any bears. We have bears?" she glanced between Leon and Vesryn for only a moment before she hurried to his side, immediately beginning to inspect them. It was in the middle of her cursory inspection that she realized something. "But... I do not see any claw marks?"
"I convinced the bear to engage in more honorable hand-to-paw combat, you see," Vesryn whispered, smiling conspiratorially. "If she comes back, I'll just have to fight her again."
Leon snorted, unable to stop that from turning into a bass-toned chuckle. Shaking his head, he cleared his throat. “Fear not, I know this particular bear. She would never attack unprovoked. And I do believe she's quite susceptible to bribery, at least in the form of food." He crossed his arms over his chest and smiled mildly.
"But... Why..." she stammered, unsure which line of questioning she should follow up on. The wheels turned in her head and her gaze switched between Vesryn and Leon, "... Hand-to-paw combat?" she added before she held up a hand. She simply sighed and shook her head, and apparently opted to instead just give up. She instead lit a healing spell in both hands and began diligently working on Vesryn's bruises.
“'Bear' is a metaphor, Miss Asala," Leon said, taking pity on her rather than making things worse. “What Vesryn is saying is that he was in a sparring match with Khari, and gained his bruises that way." He turned his attention to the elf then, though, tipping his head somewhat to the side. “Though I believe last time this happened, she was a fair bit worse off than you. I confess I'm a little surprised she's not here as well."
Asala's head whipped toward Leon when he revealed that Khari was the red bear, and a fraction of a second later she was staring at Vesryn with an annoyed pout. It was subtle, but Leon could make out Asala poking one of his fresh bruises with a finger.
"Ow!" he frowned up at her, not unlike a devious child that had just been scolded. "You should go and give him a poke, too. He played along for a bit." Shaking his head, he looked to Leon, his expression settling into seriousness. "Last time I had the help of an ancient arcane warrior in my head. I've begun practicing without her aid, for my own reasons. Khari's a fair bit better than me, it seems, when I don't have Saraya."
"Wait, who... who is Saraya?" Asala asked. Her pout had morphed into a rather curious look.
Vesryn looked quite skeptical for a moment, looking up at Asala from the bed. "You don't know yet? I thought this was the worst kept secret among the irregulars."
"You are... not going to make me feel foolish again, are you?" Asala asked Vesryn, her own face reading skepticism.
"The little red bear of Skyhold is more believable, probably, but this one's true. I assure you." There was no jest to his tone.
“I'm going to let you do the explaining on this one," Leon said, clear amusement seeping into his voice, though tempered by Vesryn's own solemnity. “I, on the other hand, should probably be getting back to work. Best of luck in your bear-fighting endeavors, Vesryn. I suspect it's obvious by now, but don't count on wearing her out." He stood, taking up the small satchel of potions Asala had given him, and lifted a hand in farewell to the both of them before ducking out of the entrance.
The infirmary wasn't too far from his own tower, though it wasn't quite as close by as Rilien's was. It still didn't take him long to get back, walking along the wall and allowing himself a small moment to notice the view before he continued back inside.
“Romulus." He was a little surprised to see the Inquisitor in his office, but not unpleasantly so. “My apologies; I had to make a trip to the infirmary. Is there something you needed?" Setting the satchel down on the edge of his desk, Leon moved his attention back to Romulus, unsure if he should sit or if this would require him to leave the tower again.
"Commander, ah... Leon." Romulus also wasn't sure whether to sit or not. He had been initially, in one of the seats on the other side of Leon's desk, but he got to his feet when Leon entered, only to look back down at the chair as though he regretted ever leaving. "I wanted to speak to you about something I saw while I was in the Fade. If you have a moment." He looked uncertain about it, to say the least, but he was here still, and knowing his hesitance had probably thought over his actions for a good deal of time already.
“Ah. Well, in that case, let's sit." Leon took the one behind his desk, moving aside a stack of paperwork currently obstructing his view of the chair and its occupant. He wasn't sure exactly what this topic was going to be, but perhaps there was some new piece of intelligence or information that had only now occurred to Romulus. He elected not to start taking notes unless he figured them necessary later, so he folded his hands together on the desktop.
“What was it that you saw?"
Romulus seemed to appreciate the suggestion of sitting, and sank back down into the chair. "It... had to do with you, specifically." He gave that a moment to sit, and then explained. "We were separated initially, but regrouped in a graveyard. The tombstones there had our names, and listed under them were fears, or feared causes of death, or... something. Yours just said 'time.'" He wound his hands together in front of him, studying Leon perhaps for a reaction, if any. "I feel like I might've helped Khari a bit with hers, I just thought I might be able to help you, too. With whatever it is you might be dealing with. I don't know if anyone else saw it."
Leon knew he wasn't completely able to hide his surprise. His lips parted for a moment, shock followed by resignation flitting over his face. “Well," he murmured, leaning his weight back into his chair. It creaked softly in protest, then settled. “It's the slowest weapon to strike, but the only one that never misses. Time takes us all... some more quickly than others." He knew why that word had appeared specifically for him, if those were the parameters, but he wasn't sure he wished to speak of it. Still... perhaps he should.
Romulus looked more uncertain than ever after the initial reception, as though he might flee on a moment's notice. Despite that, he stayed put, taking a moment to figure out what exactly he wanted to say. "Nightmare struck at us very personally. Mine said 'became a monster.' It was in keeping with my fears about what I've done in the past, and my fear of... corrupting the Inquisition, I suppose. Of always being a wicked person." He shifted uncomfortably in the seat. His eyes didn't seem able to settle on anything for long, but when they finally found Leon again, they stayed there.
"If you'd prefer I leave it be, I'll go. We can forget I brought it up. It just occurred to me that... you're our Commander. You look out for all of us as best you can, try to make sure all of us are at our best. But someone should be looking out for you, too. Maybe you already have that taken care of, but I thought I might be able to help. I want to, if I can."
Leon's eyes fell to the desktop for a moment; one hand reached up and rubbed uncomfortably at the light stubble on his jaw. “No... no, you're quite right. It's unfair that I ask the rest of you not to keep important things from me and then keep them from you." Strictly speaking, Rilien knew what was going on, and Leon had no doubt he'd be able to deal with it quite effectively if it ever came to that, but he shouldn't be keeping this from everyone else. Especially not those who relied on his advice.
And... he could not deny the impulse to tell someone else, to at least ease the weight of it a little bit. “I hope you'll bear with me if I take a bit of a roundabout way to get to it, but... it's not the easiest thing to understand, without all the information." Well, maybe the two-word version was, but any particular amount of detail required some background, anyway.
He finally moved his eyes back up, sighing slightly. “Forgive me, I'm not certain of Tevinter cultural knowledge on this matter, or yours. Do you know what a reaver is?"
He thought for a moment on the word, but then shook his head. "I don't think so. Assuming you're not referring to a reaver in the normal sense of the word."
“Ah, no. Not in the usual sense." Though he supposed there might well be people who were both. Letting his hand fall back to the desk, Leon explained. “A reaver is a particular type of warrior, one who uses the blood of dragons to tap into their potential, and who draws strength from pain and injury. It's a form of alchemical blood magic, actually; or the initial concoction is."
Needless to say, he'd been quite surprised when Ophelia explained it to him. That a Seeker would make use of something even distantly related to blood magic was almost impossible for him to believe at the time. It wasn't the first time she had made the world seem a little less black and white, and it wouldn't be the last. He shared the view, now. “Most of those of us who walk that path need only drink the tincture once. The magic takes quite easily, with such a potent reagent." That much, he was sure Romulus would understand better than most, as someone who seemed to know a fair bit of alchemy himself.
"Dragon's blood..." Romulus repeated, thoughtful. "I knew it had some powerful properties, but I've never had the chance to learn much about its uses." He looked more interested than disturbed. If anything, he took the revelation of his commander utilizing a form of blood magic quite well. It was likely he too did not think of the forbidden school in black and white terms. But there was a clear bit of concern on his face as well.
"Strong potions usually have strong side effects," he said, with a degree of certainty. "And rarely can the positive ones be separated from the negative."
“Quite," Leon said, inclining his head. “And it's also important to understand that I'm... unusually resistant to the effects of the reaver tincture. I have to take new doses nearly every time I enter battle, and that has been accelerating the long-term effects considerably." He glanced down at his hands, splayed on the desktop. The knuckles were callused and scarred, evidence of just how many times he'd torn them open. He didn't have the heart to tell Asala that wrapping them made no difference when he struck as hard as he did.
He flexed his left a bit, closing it into a fist and then opening it again. “And as it happens, I can't simply stop taking it. I find that... something stops me from killing. Even when I think it is necessary. Taking the tincture is the only way I can bring myself to do it." When that power hummed in his body, when his heartbeat was loud enough in his ears, it could drown out even his conscience. At least for a time.
“As you might expect, time is therefore a very mighty enemy indeed. I am dying, and I do not know how long it will take."
That seemed to affect Romulus a fair bit, and he sat up a little straighter, rubbing at the back of his neck. "That's..." He trailed off, mouth hanging open for a moment. "That's really unfortunate. I don't suppose... would it affect your other duties apart from battle if you were to stop taking it? If fighting with us is killing you..." He left the rest unsaid. The Inquisition had a growing army with a victory under its belt now. It seemed possible that the commander of their forces might not need to fight at the front. Though the tone Romulus suggested it with was not very strong, implying he didn't believe the idea had weight himself.
Leon smiled a bit, approximating his usual mild expression, though he wasn't entirely sure he replicated it exactly. “I doubt it would make too much difference at this point," he confessed. “But even if it did... it may not be necessary for me to take the field as often as some of the rest of you, but I cannot remain behind when there are fortresses to be sieged or demon armies to be felled. Our soldiers are well-trained, and stouthearted, but I will not let any of them die to foes I could have felled with little trouble."
His training was simply well above par, and his experience sufficient to ensure that he could do much in a battle that most simply could not. “It is just as important for morale that I be present when it counts. What kind of confidence would it show, if I hid behind the lines just when things became most difficult?" He shook his head. “Everyone dies of something sometime. This is... if there is a sword I would prefer to fall on, what we do here is it."
Romulus looked like he might pick something there to argue with, but in the end he restrained it, falling silent for a long moment before he nodded. "I'm sure you've thought a lot about this. Is there anything I can do to help?"
“That's kind of you," Leon said, the smile relaxing until it felt more natural on his face. “I haven't simply given up, for what it is worth. Rilien is working on some kind of alchemical solution. Perhaps if anything from your own expertise in the area strikes you as relevant to the problem, you wouldn't mind sharing the thought with him." He also really did need to talk to Cyrus about this, but that would have to be at some later date. “In the meantime, I only ask that this remain between us. I need to inform a few others, I know, but... I would like to be the one who does that. I promise I shan't wait long."
"Of course. I'll keep this to myself." The Inquisitor got up out of his seat, rubbing his hands together slowly. "I'll see if I can come up with anything, though I doubt I would have the necessary knowledge without being in contact with my... teacher." That thought obviously did not sit well with him, but he pushed it aside quickly enough.
"Thank you for telling me, Leon."
“And thank you, Romulus, for listening." He was surprised by how wholehearted the sentiment was. Perhaps telling the others would not be so bad, after all.