Who knew how difficult it would be to ask someone a simple question?
No. Perhaps that wasnât the right of it. Several questions. Serious inquiries, at that. Ones that she hadnât pondered before, or thought to even care about. All the days spent in Skyholdâs walls and battling at strangers' sides had made her feel more reflective. After Nosta had⊠it became important enough to pursue. She needed answers; she needed to know the men and women she fought beside, because it was no longer just her and them. Two separate entities with very different agendas. It could not be. She would not allow it. Such things created weaknesses; chinks in her armor that could be exploited. If she did not think the Inquisition was a just cause to fight for, what was she doing here?
It was a question sheâd posed to herself before. In the quieter nights when she struggled to keep her thoughts at bay. The sting of loss hadnât left herâit never would, she understood that well enough. However, she channeled it differently. She no longer drove her trainees into the ground and had loosened her grip. Enough for them to breathe, at least. Talking to Aurora and Rilien that day had unwound some of the knots tied in her throat. It hadnât made her feel as weak as she believed it would have. Neither was it entirely unpleasant. The question remained. Unanswered. Something that kept her awake. What kept her from simply leaving? Was it Aurora? Rilien⊠?
Sparrow supposed she could have just stomped into Rilienâs rookery and talked it out over one of his selections of tea, but his answers⊠wouldâve been much of the same. Resilient. Obvious, because it was obvious to him. Heâd already found his reason. She doubted it was something she could so easily adopt. Not without first asking someone questions. Someone who was not him or her, or her trainees. A fool would have missed the elven lasses training bouts in the yard; like a little wolf, keen-eyed and unrelenting. Or the hulking Commander watching off to the side.
Sheâd been watching. Closely. While her interactions had been minimal, beyond the simple nod in passing⊠she remained curious of who these people were, exactly. How Rilien and Aurora and all of the others could warrant gathering here, in order to fight another battle; in someone elseâ name. Sparrow had never done anything like that before; like a tumultuous storm, she went wherever she wished. No qualms. No one to answer to but herself. Even under Auroraâs tutelage, sheâd strayed and did things her own way. While sheâd always returned in the end, sheâd flown no banners, and hadnât initially understood Auroraâs desire to join forces.
The hesitation was new to her, as well. It wasnât something she normally balked at. Approaching someone she hardly knew. That she knew her a little certainly helped. Sheâd seen her in Kirkwall. Of course, she also heard about her from the others. Uncertainty, however, was still a difficult thing to swallow. She knuckled at her nose, and exhaled sharply. A shame she hadnât spoken to her more, back then.
For awhile, Sparrow simply walked the yards in search of her. Not in her office. Not in the tavern. It was only when sheâd stuck her head inside of Skyholdâs front hall that she spotted her eating at one of the long tables. Good. Good then. She smoothed her hands down the front of her vest and ground her molars together. When had she become so meek? A scoff later, and she was crossing down the long carpet leading up to her table. Instead of announcing her presence, she simply plopped down on the bench adjacent to her and planted one of her elbows across the table, leaning her chin into her upturned palm. She tried to maintain a casual expression.
âEstella, right?â
The woman nodded. "That's me," she said, her tone amiable. Up close, she had a youthful face, heart-shaped with a pointed chin and prominent cheekbones. Her eyes were large, a peculiar sort of dark blue color. The expression she wore matched the cadence of her words; clearly she took no offense to someone inviting themselves to sit next to her. "And you're Sparrow." There didn't seem to be a need for a question there.
Estella smiled, taking a sip from the brass goblet in front of her before lowering it back to the table. "Something I can do for you? There's plenty to eat, if you're just here for that." The Lady Inquisitor herself looked to be working her way through quite a substantial meal, focused around vegetables, nuts, and a side of pheasant, but the food was just laid out on large platters over the long tables that flanked the path up towards the empty chair on the dais.
A small smile tugged at the scar stippled across Sparrowâs cheek and lip. It was difficult to subdue itâthis woman⊠the Inquisitor and one of Rilienâs pupils, was exactly as she had expected. While sheâd never profess to understanding the nature of her abilities, nor the importance of it, there was something about her that bit off the edge; made her feel less uncomfortable. She was pleased that she wasnât disappointed with this notion. âThat I am,â she met her eyes and dropped her chin from her opened hand back to the table.
âDonât mind if I do,â the smile wobbled out into a toothy grin as she reached towards the bowl of nuts and pulled it towards her. If there was food here, who was she to deny the offer to join her here? Breaking food was as good as any introduction. She plopped a few pecans in her mouth, and regarded Estella between lidded eyes. Chewed, swallowed. âActually, I wanted to ask you a few questions about the Inquisition. And your friends.â The request mightâve seemed odd on the surface, without much of a good explanation. She wasnât much good at those. Never had been.
âBetter late, then never. Finding out more about who Iâm fighting for.â
Estella did seem a little surprised, but to her credit, she recovered from it quickly enough, taking a bite of her dinner and chewing it over before she spoke again. "Well... I don't know that very many people here are fighting for me, or even us. I suspect that it's mostly about the cause itself, but... I can understand wanting to make sure the people in charge are doing the right thing." She leaned a little against the table, turning herself partway in Sparrow's direction, so she was facing her more directly.
"So I'll answer as well as I can. What would you like to know?"
Sparrow tucked strands of white hair behind her scarred ear and studied the knots drawn into tableâs surface for a moment, partly to gather her thoughts. There were so many questions sheâd like to ask. Too many. If Estella had the time, she hoped she could ask them all. However, allowing them to tumble out in one nonsensical blur wouldnât do either of them any good. She scratched at her chin and regarded Estella fully once more, âThank you.â She meant it. There had always been a chance that she wouldâve been tied up elsewhere, or perhaps, she wouldnât have wanted to have the conversation in the first place. It was peculiar enough.
Or maybe she was being too critical. Just like how she viewed kings and queens, lords and ladies, sheâd never feel comfortable bending the knee or kissing anyoneâs feet just for the sake of titles. It was the only reason she wouldnât refer to Estella as the Inquisitor, serah or what-have-you. If she were ever to see her as a friend; a companion to fight alongside, then she would have to see them on equal footing. It was another reason she never would have been suited to living in a place like Orlais, as Rilien had presumed all those years ago. She supposed honesty was what sheâd settle on⊠even if it meant being a little more vulnerable than she was comfortable with.
She shut her eyes for a moment and opened them once more, a wan smile tugging up the scar on her lips. âIâd like to know whoâs chosen to fight at your side. Your friends. Who they are to you,â she knuckled at her nose and settled the hand back against the table, curling her fingers into her palm with each name she counted off, âAmalia. Ithilian. Ashton. Aurora. Lucien. Sophia. Nostariel⊠and Rilien.â Her smile only wavered momentarily when she recounted the names, because it made her remember. Everything theyâd gone through. âThose are the ones I always fought for. Them and only them. My world used to be much smaller, in Kirkwall. I never thought Iâd fight in something so large, and I never thought Iâd see them here either. That they would choose to come here, so easily⊠I was surprised and a little conflicted. At least, at first.â
There was a pause, and softer smile, because she wasnât entirely sure what she expected to hear in response. Though sheâd be remiss if she didnât admit that this felt nice, admitting concerns sheâd so readily tucked away.
âBut I wish to understand.â
"At my side?" Estella tilted her head a little, leaning her cheek into her hand. "I guess that means the Irregulars. That's what they're called now, I guessâbecause they function outside of the regular soldiers and staff." Pursing her lips, she nodded slightly. "Well... there's Romulus, of course, the other Inquisitor. I'm sure you heard some of the rumors, early in the year, but please don't hold any of that against him. It wasn't his doing." She looked faintly troubled for a moment, then shook her head.
"He's from Tevinter, like I am. More recently departed, though. Quiet, careful. I'm relieved he's hereâwe're quite different, but that seems like a good thing, for the Inquisition as a whole." She picked up a pecan from her plate, dipping it in a little daub of honey on the corner. "We were the first, and then our advisors. Asala kept us alive after the Conclave. She's the Qunari who works in the infirmary. Well, Tal-Vashoth, technically. She's very shy, but she'd never turn away a person who needed her." Estella took a moment to chew and swallow.
A sip from the goblet chased it down. "Khari volunteered. She's the redheaded Dalish who carries a big sword. If you've spent any time on the practice grounds, I'm sure you've seen her." She smiled, letting out a soft huff. "She's impossible to miss. Probably the most spirited person I've ever met. Cyrus joined shortly after, when we found him in the Hinterlands. He's my brother." A pause. "My family." There was a depth to her tone that suggested a great deal of meaning in the single word, but she did not elaborate.
Tracing a fingertip over the ring of her goblet, Estella moved on. "Zahra's the captain of our only ship. Ships, now, I suppose; we have two. She bunks in the tavern; I'm sure you must have seen her and her crew around at some point. I think they take the fun with them, personally." A smile crossed her face, though it shifted from amusement to something a little softer rather quickly. "And then there's Ves, of course. You... know him if you see him. Tall elf in a lot of armor, very good-humored. I think they could tell you about themselves better than I could; most of them probably would if you asked." It was impossible to mistake the warmth with which she viewed them, but her descriptions had been rather sparing. Perhaps she was mindful of their privacy.
"I hope it isn't disappointing, but I really don't think I could tell you in a few words who any of them are to me. They're... friends, of course, and comrades, and sometimes other things. It's difficult to describe fittingly, especially in some cases."
A chuckle sifted past her lips at the peculiar title theyâd been givenâthe Irregulars. Sheâd heard it filtered through the grounds, but hadnât payed it any attention at the time. She supposed at one time or another, she couldâve considered themselves something of the sort. A strange assortment of characters whoâd somehow been pushed down the same path. Like them, in a way. Similar, different. The parallels hadnât been lost on her. Sheâd always been good at making connections and reading between the lines; a foolâs gift reserved for those who felt too loudly.
âNot at all. It almost feels like I know them,â she mused with another wistful smile, âThank you for sharing that with me.â She took a couple more pecans and dipped them in the honey as well, plopping them into her mouth. Giving her a short reprieve to mull over Estellaâs words. For her benefit as well. This wasnât exactly an interrogation but sheâd certainly interrupted her meal for a lengthy conversation. Perhaps, she would take her up on that recommendation in the future; speaking to them personally rather than accepting a summary. How sheâd spoken of them had proven just as fruitful. It was what sheâd sought after, in a sense.
âWhen I first came here, I asked Rilien if heâdâŠâ her words cut into a scoff, because it hadnât been how she wanted to word it at all. She tried again. âHe made it clear that this was a just cause. It was important. At the time, I was glad for him, but I didnât understand.â Sparrow licked her lips and set her hands on the table, palms up, âI thought, if he could see the importance in this, why canât I? I stayed for them. Aurora and the mages. Ril. ButâŠâ The truth was a dizzying thing. A rough laugh sounded as she pulled her hands back into her lap.
âRil always makes things seem so⊠obvious. About the Inquisition. Saving the world. This being something worth dying for. I wanted to ask someone who mightâve not been so sure in the beginning.â Another pause, and Sparrow tipped her chin up to study Estellaâs face; youthful, kind, and careful. A believer. It was difficult to be one of those, these days. It wouldnât stop her from trying.
Estella's smile grew at that. "I've been on the other end of that as well," she said, tone wry. "Many times, but especially when he recommended I become Inquisitor, after Haven." She pushed a breath out through her nose, nudging her mostly-cleared plate back a little on the table. The ceramic made a dull sound over the wood, but she steadied the silverware before it could clatter, without glancing down at it. "I don't think I could ever doubt that we're doing something worthwhile. Corypheus won't go away if we ignore him, and he's bent on a great deal of destruction. I don't think that, if he had his way, he'd leave any place in Thedas untouched. No one would be safe."
She glanced down, then back up. "But if you mean to question whether this is the way to stop him... I've asked that question to myself more times than I can count. Every time someone dies, every time I watch one of my friends, or someone who claims loyalty to us or me get hurt because of what we or I have asked them to do." Her throat moved as she swallowed, shaking her head just a little. "I always wonder whether I should be here, whether we should be. If we really have a chance."
Pushing a strand of hair behind her ear, she grimaced. "But then I think... who else? Who else but us can do this? We have the marks, but it's not just thatâwe have the kind of people that no one else does. As much as I don't want to see any of them get hurt... I know that we're the ones who have the best chance of succeeding. And I think... I think that means we have to try."
There it was. Who else would do it, if not for them?
Theyâd asked themselves a similar question back in Kirkwall. It hadnât even really felt all that much like a choice. Leaving Kirkwall to fall in shambles could have been an option if theyâd wanted to simply leave, but nothing was ever simple, and it just felt like the right thing to do. Something that must be done. This was the same, wasnât it? Hearing someone voice the same thoughts sheâd often had in Skyholdâs yard was something she hadnât expected. Maybe a part of her had thought that everyone had already reached the same conclusion Rilien had: that this was important and that it could be done.
An obvious choice. Sparrowâs laugh was much more genuine as she pushed away from the table and slouched against the back of her chair, draping one of her arms over the back of it. At the heart of it, sheâd still be fighting for the people she cared most about. Corypheusâs hand was poised across all of Thedas⊠and that meant everyone who was still in Kirkwall. Everyone whoâd joined at their sides, as well; her friends. The ones sheâd professed to fighting for after all these years. Even still, it rung true. It was, perhaps, the only immutable thing in her life. A consistency that would follow her until she could no longer draw breath. Her purpose, her important thing.
That was enough.
Calling a few more of these Irregulars her friend⊠certainly couldnât hurt. Her smile had twisted into a grin as she regarded Estella across the tableâa shame she hadnât made more of an effort to expand her world. No longer could she confine it to those whoâd walked her path. It didnât seem right. âI think Iâve heard all I needed to hear,â she thumped the table with a hand and slipped off her chair, pushing it back so that it was flush with the table, âI do hope to get to know you more, for all the time I missed. The others, tooâŠ. and for what itâs worth, I donât think he was wrong.â
She paused at the end of the table, and drew her finger in a small circle, across one of the wooden knots. âThank you. For being there for Ril, too. Heâs proud, even I can tell.â
Estella let out a breath all at once; the germ of a laugh, perhaps. "He is that," she agreed. "And many other things, only some of which he ever lets us see, I think." She said it with fondness in her tone, easily-identifiable, unhidden. Her expression sobered a little, and her smile dimmed, but there was still a certain kind of earnestness in her face.
"You're always welcome to come by and visit me, you know. I find I can usually make time if I need to, so don't worry about the Inquisitor thing. I'll bet the others are the same, if you get the chance. I'm hopelessly biased, but I do think they're absolutely worth getting to know."
âBe careful. I may take you up on that offer,â Sparrow mused with a shadow of a smile, halfway towards a broader variety, âI hear Iâm an acquired taste.â There was a playfulness in her voice, one that slightly surprised her. When was the last time sheâd laughed or smiled so much? It felt like ages since sheâd slowed her pace; or had a simple conversation that wasnât buried in half-truths and a veneer of impassivity. It was⊠nice.
Her retreating footsteps felt much lighter.
No. Perhaps that wasnât the right of it. Several questions. Serious inquiries, at that. Ones that she hadnât pondered before, or thought to even care about. All the days spent in Skyholdâs walls and battling at strangers' sides had made her feel more reflective. After Nosta had⊠it became important enough to pursue. She needed answers; she needed to know the men and women she fought beside, because it was no longer just her and them. Two separate entities with very different agendas. It could not be. She would not allow it. Such things created weaknesses; chinks in her armor that could be exploited. If she did not think the Inquisition was a just cause to fight for, what was she doing here?
It was a question sheâd posed to herself before. In the quieter nights when she struggled to keep her thoughts at bay. The sting of loss hadnât left herâit never would, she understood that well enough. However, she channeled it differently. She no longer drove her trainees into the ground and had loosened her grip. Enough for them to breathe, at least. Talking to Aurora and Rilien that day had unwound some of the knots tied in her throat. It hadnât made her feel as weak as she believed it would have. Neither was it entirely unpleasant. The question remained. Unanswered. Something that kept her awake. What kept her from simply leaving? Was it Aurora? Rilien⊠?
Sparrow supposed she could have just stomped into Rilienâs rookery and talked it out over one of his selections of tea, but his answers⊠wouldâve been much of the same. Resilient. Obvious, because it was obvious to him. Heâd already found his reason. She doubted it was something she could so easily adopt. Not without first asking someone questions. Someone who was not him or her, or her trainees. A fool would have missed the elven lasses training bouts in the yard; like a little wolf, keen-eyed and unrelenting. Or the hulking Commander watching off to the side.
Sheâd been watching. Closely. While her interactions had been minimal, beyond the simple nod in passing⊠she remained curious of who these people were, exactly. How Rilien and Aurora and all of the others could warrant gathering here, in order to fight another battle; in someone elseâ name. Sparrow had never done anything like that before; like a tumultuous storm, she went wherever she wished. No qualms. No one to answer to but herself. Even under Auroraâs tutelage, sheâd strayed and did things her own way. While sheâd always returned in the end, sheâd flown no banners, and hadnât initially understood Auroraâs desire to join forces.
The hesitation was new to her, as well. It wasnât something she normally balked at. Approaching someone she hardly knew. That she knew her a little certainly helped. Sheâd seen her in Kirkwall. Of course, she also heard about her from the others. Uncertainty, however, was still a difficult thing to swallow. She knuckled at her nose, and exhaled sharply. A shame she hadnât spoken to her more, back then.
For awhile, Sparrow simply walked the yards in search of her. Not in her office. Not in the tavern. It was only when sheâd stuck her head inside of Skyholdâs front hall that she spotted her eating at one of the long tables. Good. Good then. She smoothed her hands down the front of her vest and ground her molars together. When had she become so meek? A scoff later, and she was crossing down the long carpet leading up to her table. Instead of announcing her presence, she simply plopped down on the bench adjacent to her and planted one of her elbows across the table, leaning her chin into her upturned palm. She tried to maintain a casual expression.
âEstella, right?â
The woman nodded. "That's me," she said, her tone amiable. Up close, she had a youthful face, heart-shaped with a pointed chin and prominent cheekbones. Her eyes were large, a peculiar sort of dark blue color. The expression she wore matched the cadence of her words; clearly she took no offense to someone inviting themselves to sit next to her. "And you're Sparrow." There didn't seem to be a need for a question there.
Estella smiled, taking a sip from the brass goblet in front of her before lowering it back to the table. "Something I can do for you? There's plenty to eat, if you're just here for that." The Lady Inquisitor herself looked to be working her way through quite a substantial meal, focused around vegetables, nuts, and a side of pheasant, but the food was just laid out on large platters over the long tables that flanked the path up towards the empty chair on the dais.
A small smile tugged at the scar stippled across Sparrowâs cheek and lip. It was difficult to subdue itâthis woman⊠the Inquisitor and one of Rilienâs pupils, was exactly as she had expected. While sheâd never profess to understanding the nature of her abilities, nor the importance of it, there was something about her that bit off the edge; made her feel less uncomfortable. She was pleased that she wasnât disappointed with this notion. âThat I am,â she met her eyes and dropped her chin from her opened hand back to the table.
âDonât mind if I do,â the smile wobbled out into a toothy grin as she reached towards the bowl of nuts and pulled it towards her. If there was food here, who was she to deny the offer to join her here? Breaking food was as good as any introduction. She plopped a few pecans in her mouth, and regarded Estella between lidded eyes. Chewed, swallowed. âActually, I wanted to ask you a few questions about the Inquisition. And your friends.â The request mightâve seemed odd on the surface, without much of a good explanation. She wasnât much good at those. Never had been.
âBetter late, then never. Finding out more about who Iâm fighting for.â
Estella did seem a little surprised, but to her credit, she recovered from it quickly enough, taking a bite of her dinner and chewing it over before she spoke again. "Well... I don't know that very many people here are fighting for me, or even us. I suspect that it's mostly about the cause itself, but... I can understand wanting to make sure the people in charge are doing the right thing." She leaned a little against the table, turning herself partway in Sparrow's direction, so she was facing her more directly.
"So I'll answer as well as I can. What would you like to know?"
Sparrow tucked strands of white hair behind her scarred ear and studied the knots drawn into tableâs surface for a moment, partly to gather her thoughts. There were so many questions sheâd like to ask. Too many. If Estella had the time, she hoped she could ask them all. However, allowing them to tumble out in one nonsensical blur wouldnât do either of them any good. She scratched at her chin and regarded Estella fully once more, âThank you.â She meant it. There had always been a chance that she wouldâve been tied up elsewhere, or perhaps, she wouldnât have wanted to have the conversation in the first place. It was peculiar enough.
Or maybe she was being too critical. Just like how she viewed kings and queens, lords and ladies, sheâd never feel comfortable bending the knee or kissing anyoneâs feet just for the sake of titles. It was the only reason she wouldnât refer to Estella as the Inquisitor, serah or what-have-you. If she were ever to see her as a friend; a companion to fight alongside, then she would have to see them on equal footing. It was another reason she never would have been suited to living in a place like Orlais, as Rilien had presumed all those years ago. She supposed honesty was what sheâd settle on⊠even if it meant being a little more vulnerable than she was comfortable with.
She shut her eyes for a moment and opened them once more, a wan smile tugging up the scar on her lips. âIâd like to know whoâs chosen to fight at your side. Your friends. Who they are to you,â she knuckled at her nose and settled the hand back against the table, curling her fingers into her palm with each name she counted off, âAmalia. Ithilian. Ashton. Aurora. Lucien. Sophia. Nostariel⊠and Rilien.â Her smile only wavered momentarily when she recounted the names, because it made her remember. Everything theyâd gone through. âThose are the ones I always fought for. Them and only them. My world used to be much smaller, in Kirkwall. I never thought Iâd fight in something so large, and I never thought Iâd see them here either. That they would choose to come here, so easily⊠I was surprised and a little conflicted. At least, at first.â
There was a pause, and softer smile, because she wasnât entirely sure what she expected to hear in response. Though sheâd be remiss if she didnât admit that this felt nice, admitting concerns sheâd so readily tucked away.
âBut I wish to understand.â
"At my side?" Estella tilted her head a little, leaning her cheek into her hand. "I guess that means the Irregulars. That's what they're called now, I guessâbecause they function outside of the regular soldiers and staff." Pursing her lips, she nodded slightly. "Well... there's Romulus, of course, the other Inquisitor. I'm sure you heard some of the rumors, early in the year, but please don't hold any of that against him. It wasn't his doing." She looked faintly troubled for a moment, then shook her head.
"He's from Tevinter, like I am. More recently departed, though. Quiet, careful. I'm relieved he's hereâwe're quite different, but that seems like a good thing, for the Inquisition as a whole." She picked up a pecan from her plate, dipping it in a little daub of honey on the corner. "We were the first, and then our advisors. Asala kept us alive after the Conclave. She's the Qunari who works in the infirmary. Well, Tal-Vashoth, technically. She's very shy, but she'd never turn away a person who needed her." Estella took a moment to chew and swallow.
A sip from the goblet chased it down. "Khari volunteered. She's the redheaded Dalish who carries a big sword. If you've spent any time on the practice grounds, I'm sure you've seen her." She smiled, letting out a soft huff. "She's impossible to miss. Probably the most spirited person I've ever met. Cyrus joined shortly after, when we found him in the Hinterlands. He's my brother." A pause. "My family." There was a depth to her tone that suggested a great deal of meaning in the single word, but she did not elaborate.
Tracing a fingertip over the ring of her goblet, Estella moved on. "Zahra's the captain of our only ship. Ships, now, I suppose; we have two. She bunks in the tavern; I'm sure you must have seen her and her crew around at some point. I think they take the fun with them, personally." A smile crossed her face, though it shifted from amusement to something a little softer rather quickly. "And then there's Ves, of course. You... know him if you see him. Tall elf in a lot of armor, very good-humored. I think they could tell you about themselves better than I could; most of them probably would if you asked." It was impossible to mistake the warmth with which she viewed them, but her descriptions had been rather sparing. Perhaps she was mindful of their privacy.
"I hope it isn't disappointing, but I really don't think I could tell you in a few words who any of them are to me. They're... friends, of course, and comrades, and sometimes other things. It's difficult to describe fittingly, especially in some cases."
A chuckle sifted past her lips at the peculiar title theyâd been givenâthe Irregulars. Sheâd heard it filtered through the grounds, but hadnât payed it any attention at the time. She supposed at one time or another, she couldâve considered themselves something of the sort. A strange assortment of characters whoâd somehow been pushed down the same path. Like them, in a way. Similar, different. The parallels hadnât been lost on her. Sheâd always been good at making connections and reading between the lines; a foolâs gift reserved for those who felt too loudly.
âNot at all. It almost feels like I know them,â she mused with another wistful smile, âThank you for sharing that with me.â She took a couple more pecans and dipped them in the honey as well, plopping them into her mouth. Giving her a short reprieve to mull over Estellaâs words. For her benefit as well. This wasnât exactly an interrogation but sheâd certainly interrupted her meal for a lengthy conversation. Perhaps, she would take her up on that recommendation in the future; speaking to them personally rather than accepting a summary. How sheâd spoken of them had proven just as fruitful. It was what sheâd sought after, in a sense.
âWhen I first came here, I asked Rilien if heâdâŠâ her words cut into a scoff, because it hadnât been how she wanted to word it at all. She tried again. âHe made it clear that this was a just cause. It was important. At the time, I was glad for him, but I didnât understand.â Sparrow licked her lips and set her hands on the table, palms up, âI thought, if he could see the importance in this, why canât I? I stayed for them. Aurora and the mages. Ril. ButâŠâ The truth was a dizzying thing. A rough laugh sounded as she pulled her hands back into her lap.
âRil always makes things seem so⊠obvious. About the Inquisition. Saving the world. This being something worth dying for. I wanted to ask someone who mightâve not been so sure in the beginning.â Another pause, and Sparrow tipped her chin up to study Estellaâs face; youthful, kind, and careful. A believer. It was difficult to be one of those, these days. It wouldnât stop her from trying.
Estella's smile grew at that. "I've been on the other end of that as well," she said, tone wry. "Many times, but especially when he recommended I become Inquisitor, after Haven." She pushed a breath out through her nose, nudging her mostly-cleared plate back a little on the table. The ceramic made a dull sound over the wood, but she steadied the silverware before it could clatter, without glancing down at it. "I don't think I could ever doubt that we're doing something worthwhile. Corypheus won't go away if we ignore him, and he's bent on a great deal of destruction. I don't think that, if he had his way, he'd leave any place in Thedas untouched. No one would be safe."
She glanced down, then back up. "But if you mean to question whether this is the way to stop him... I've asked that question to myself more times than I can count. Every time someone dies, every time I watch one of my friends, or someone who claims loyalty to us or me get hurt because of what we or I have asked them to do." Her throat moved as she swallowed, shaking her head just a little. "I always wonder whether I should be here, whether we should be. If we really have a chance."
Pushing a strand of hair behind her ear, she grimaced. "But then I think... who else? Who else but us can do this? We have the marks, but it's not just thatâwe have the kind of people that no one else does. As much as I don't want to see any of them get hurt... I know that we're the ones who have the best chance of succeeding. And I think... I think that means we have to try."
There it was. Who else would do it, if not for them?
Theyâd asked themselves a similar question back in Kirkwall. It hadnât even really felt all that much like a choice. Leaving Kirkwall to fall in shambles could have been an option if theyâd wanted to simply leave, but nothing was ever simple, and it just felt like the right thing to do. Something that must be done. This was the same, wasnât it? Hearing someone voice the same thoughts sheâd often had in Skyholdâs yard was something she hadnât expected. Maybe a part of her had thought that everyone had already reached the same conclusion Rilien had: that this was important and that it could be done.
An obvious choice. Sparrowâs laugh was much more genuine as she pushed away from the table and slouched against the back of her chair, draping one of her arms over the back of it. At the heart of it, sheâd still be fighting for the people she cared most about. Corypheusâs hand was poised across all of Thedas⊠and that meant everyone who was still in Kirkwall. Everyone whoâd joined at their sides, as well; her friends. The ones sheâd professed to fighting for after all these years. Even still, it rung true. It was, perhaps, the only immutable thing in her life. A consistency that would follow her until she could no longer draw breath. Her purpose, her important thing.
That was enough.
Calling a few more of these Irregulars her friend⊠certainly couldnât hurt. Her smile had twisted into a grin as she regarded Estella across the tableâa shame she hadnât made more of an effort to expand her world. No longer could she confine it to those whoâd walked her path. It didnât seem right. âI think Iâve heard all I needed to hear,â she thumped the table with a hand and slipped off her chair, pushing it back so that it was flush with the table, âI do hope to get to know you more, for all the time I missed. The others, tooâŠ. and for what itâs worth, I donât think he was wrong.â
She paused at the end of the table, and drew her finger in a small circle, across one of the wooden knots. âThank you. For being there for Ril, too. Heâs proud, even I can tell.â
Estella let out a breath all at once; the germ of a laugh, perhaps. "He is that," she agreed. "And many other things, only some of which he ever lets us see, I think." She said it with fondness in her tone, easily-identifiable, unhidden. Her expression sobered a little, and her smile dimmed, but there was still a certain kind of earnestness in her face.
"You're always welcome to come by and visit me, you know. I find I can usually make time if I need to, so don't worry about the Inquisitor thing. I'll bet the others are the same, if you get the chance. I'm hopelessly biased, but I do think they're absolutely worth getting to know."
âBe careful. I may take you up on that offer,â Sparrow mused with a shadow of a smile, halfway towards a broader variety, âI hear Iâm an acquired taste.â There was a playfulness in her voice, one that slightly surprised her. When was the last time sheâd laughed or smiled so much? It felt like ages since sheâd slowed her pace; or had a simple conversation that wasnât buried in half-truths and a veneer of impassivity. It was⊠nice.
Her retreating footsteps felt much lighter.