hex: #a87c5f
attire: x
location: Onyang Funeral Hall ➔ The Pantheon
song: screw face
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he wears woe as others wear velvet; sorrow flatters him like the light of candles; tears become him like jewels
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"i'm sorry! i'm so sorry! please- forgive me!" the man was not. ahya watched him from behind, unseen by the eyes about her; even without her presence being transient, they likely would not have seen her. all attention was on the kneeling, sobbing, apologising wreck in the middle of the funeral home, and his attention was on the little girl standing in front of him. she showed a rage too calm, too serene, for a child still living. her life had been stolen to her by the same hands that had stolen her autonomy, again and again, many a night preceding her end.
the man wailed more apologies.
she knelt beside him, looking about at the concerned crowd forming. the child's father was front and centre, a familiar expression on his face. the brewing awareness of a reality one does not want to acknowledge. the stone that forms in one's gut, when suspicions long since pushed away come rushing to the surface; finally, and terribly, confirmed. a lot of confessions were met with these faces. so she had seen a lot of them, in her time.
they still ached to see, a bit.
she whispered in the man's ear, devoid of sympathy in the face of his terror. "and what, exactly, are you sorry for?". the ghost-child echoed her whisper, as well as her merciless expression. put in into words, you sinful creature, the god demanded. confess, and be done with yourself.
between his sobs, he did. desperate for the child to go away; for his guilt to fade. by the time the child finally allowed herself to fall into light, his hands were bruised from cuffs, his face bloodied from grieving fists. but it was not retribution she had wanted. she was just a child, after all. she just wanted to comfort her dad with the truth.
"will daddy be happy, again?" "one day. it will always hurt, but his heart is lighter now."
as the child, Min-hee, left the mortal plane, Ahya, her job done, left South Korea for the Pantheon.
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through months of shame and humiliation i have come to love my solitude. i no longer seek help from the outside world. i no longer answer the doorbell. i live by myself, in the turmoil of my own fears. trapped by my own phantasms. i wait for the flood to rise and drown me out
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through months of shame and humiliation i have come to love my solitude. i no longer seek help from the outside world. i no longer answer the doorbell. i live by myself, in the turmoil of my own fears. trapped by my own phantasms. i wait for the flood to rise and drown me out
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she caught the dourness in her hands, and let it leak through her parting fingers. the room was drenched in it- this sense of dread. the refusal to accept reality was back again, but with far more bite than what she had witnessed on the father's face days before. this refusal was rooted in arrogance. it was idiotic.
so, in character, for many of these gods, really.
she watched the show from the corner, back flat against the cool marble, one foot tucked lazily around the ankle of the other. she wasn't fond of the drama and feuds; the endless bickering among the gods. every meeting ended with the same resounding feelings. the major gods were unyielding, the lesser gods were dissatisfied, the war gods were angry (as always). even the events leading up to these feelings tended to be the same; some god would complain, the major gods would insist nothing was wrong, other gods (usually war gods. usually Cat) would beg to differ. the majors would reiterate that the topic was not up for discussion, and everyone would go home wondering what the point of the meeting was in the first place.
this one, though. its bones were similar, but the beast was different. the gods were playing their roles like usual, but there was less certainty- the plague of higher stakes brought maleability to an event that, in the years before, had always played out like clockwork. Ahya felt a pang of sympathy for Isla, a true Cassandra, complete with dark prophecies and disbelieving listeners. never mind that her warnings of death had never been more supported by evidence. three gods dead, and still, they thought themselves invincible.
Cat was no different, as she volleyed with Destiny, no, with Rio. the calm and the fury engaged back and forth, Ahya's own opinion on the matter dancing between them.
“I’ll be fine. It’s as the little river goddess said, the gods of war are meant to endure such adversity.” Ahya scoffed, lightly and lazily, her insouciance becoming her, her sense of justice (and spite, definitely spite) compelling her to speak.
"Endure war, yes. But not death. No god, not even a war god, is made to endure death. Regardless of what some of you may believe about your own immortality. And definitely regardless of, ah..." Her smile turned teasing, "... Death's endurance."
she turned to the major gods, many of whom clustered together. like a single body. a hive mind.
"on the other hand; 'you're doing everything you can?' What does that even mean? with all due respect, you lot are so terrified of rocking the boat, you wouldn't dare save a sinking ship." she looked at Dae-young, half-heartedly adding, "... metaphorically."
she could feel the swirling emotions of the gods around her, their trepidation, as they too surveyed the opinions exchanged. many of them agreed with her, that neither option was especially appealing. loathe to step out, she did so nonetheless, compelled by the thought of her own corpse joining the dead, be it as a victim, or a soldier.
"are these seriously our only two options? either wait to be added to the divine body count, or prepare for a war on an enemy we have yet to actually identify?" she sighed, her Weltschmerz reengaging. "if that's the case then maybe it's about time we gods clocked out, hm? we're clearly not qualified for critical thinking, let alone whatever sacred responsibilities we've been relegated."