NATHAN HARGREEVES
No. 4xx |xx#a35151
Nathan didn't have time for this shit.
So their father had bit it? Good, it was the least the old man deserved for the shit he put them all through. Nathan would absolutely be lying if he said he didn't care though. It certainly affected him, whether he could admit it or not. There was no emotional gratification, no joy in the fact, it was more of a quiet relief. As if the shadow that hung over his head could finally be laid to rest. The childish fear of the monster under his bed was gone.
The relief was short lived though, because even in death Reginald Hargreeves couldn't stop himself from draping his expectations over his children. As far as honoring Reginalds last wishes went, Nathan couldn't even begin to fathom why it would matter. It seemed that years of solitude hadn't taught the old man anything. All of them had left eventually, a river of emotionally repressed young adults trickling out one by one until even the most loyal of them had gone. Didn't he get it? None of them owed Reginald shit, let alone a last wish.
"Fuck," he muttered, tugging at the ends of his hair as he thought it over. He didn't want to go, but that wasn't quite the truth either. Honoring Reginald was the furthest thought from his mind. But he wanted to be there, if only in some small way, to see the others. Sure, he ran into each of them every once in a while in various ways. Concerts, parties, the occasional drop-in visit. Pretending that this horrifying childhood didn't hang over every minefield of a conversation. It was easy to pretend when they were hundreds of miles away from anything remotely related to it. But this would put him right back in the thick of it. His origin story.
But why the fuck not, right? Now was as good a time as any. The band had taken a short break, nothing permanent, but the constant touring had been a mental strain and they had needed some time apart from each other before someone snapped and a real fight broke out. They were still working on the new album, just from afar while each of them sorted themselves out. Nathan could still do that, and maybe the change of scenery and good ol' traumatic memories would get the wells of creativity flowing again anyways. It was decided then...He would go.
He crumpled the letter into a tiny ball and let it fall to the floor, where it proceeded to roll under the couch to never be seen again. His first order of business was to trudge his way from his apartment to the liquor store on the corner, where he proceeded to buy the cheapest bottle he could get his hands on. Knowing himself too well, he texted the only responsible one out of the foursome that was Embers Ghost. Liz wasn't thrilled with his plans to return home, though he hadn't shared the details of his childhood with his bandmates they knew some things. Shitty father, shitty memories, lots of bad experiences. It was hard to avoid that kind of thing when half of their music centered around it.
"You really don't do anything half-way," Liz stood over him, thankfully blocking out the harsh light. He wasn't sure where he was at first, his head was buzzing and everything felt just slightly skewed. Like he was looking through a foggy window. "Nate, get up." She kicked him, and though it wasn't very hard he still groaned at the movement. He wanted to tell her to 'fuck off Liz' but he was sure she would probably punch him, hungover or not. Anyways, opening his mouth to say anything was a bad idea. He instantly felt the telltale sensation of 'oh god gonna throw up right now.'
Liz watched him struggle to stand without a word, arms crossed, clearly judging but he knew she was putting up a front. He'd picked her up off a dozen floors before too. It was just the games the band played.
"You've got ten minutes!" She called after him, as he stumbled his way to the bathroom and uphended the contents of last nights bender. The vodka he drank burned more coming out than it did going in. He felt like shit, looked like shit too, he didn't have time for a shower though so he did his best to wipe himself down with a wet towel and prayed that the cologne he sprayed on himself would cover up some of the booze smell. He had thankfully already packed before getting wasted, so he just had to grab his bags and that was that.
"Here," She handed him a stick of gum, "You smell like a bar."
He was glad he had asked Liz to drive him to the airport last night, he wasn't sure he could have managed it with the way his head spun. She didn't ask any of the questions that must of been on her mind. He was glad for that. He wasn't sure he had it in him to talk about it. Instead they just chatted mindlessly about other things, skirting around any topics that would have dampened the mood. Now that he was upright he felt a bit better. Able to actually think.
Though the anticipation of the plane ride did nothing to help the building anxiety. Now that he had a moment he wondered if the others were even going to show up. Nathan himself had contemplated ignoring the letter altogether. Pretending it hadn't even existed but that wouldn't have done him any good in the long run. No. Better to see for himself anyways. He just hoped he wasn't the only one going. None of this would be worth it if he were.
They arrived far too fast for his liking.
As he stood outside her car, preparing himself for the hell that would be TSA, she rolled down the passenger window.
"Hey," She said, "Text me if you need anything, okay?"
"I will." He promised, as sincerely as he could. Though he wasn't sure if he would follow through on that or not. He didn't like having to involve anyone in his mental bullshit more than he liked to go through it himself. But she nodded anyways, flashing him one last smile before rolling up the window and driving off. He waited until he could no longer see her car before adjusting his bag and turning towards the airport lobby.
Nathan slept for most of the plane ride, he had no choice in the matter really. He was exhausted, mentally, not that he'd done anything physically taxing. Other than being incredibly hungover - which he was sure the hostesses were absolutely aware of. Thankfully there was very little contact the whole time. He was able to sleep, and by the time he woke many, many hours later they were just cresting the last stretch of the flight.
From there it was just a matter of taking a cab. He hadn't exactly planned very far ahead. He had gotten the flight last minute, but he hadn't bothered to figure out where he would be staying. He didn't know if he could stomach the thought of staying in the academy. He was sure his bedroom was still there, a dormant ghost, likely still being religiously cleaned by Mom even after he was no longer there to make it into an absolute mess. The thought made him ache, he had missed her, and he was ready to see her again.
Once there though it finally, finally sunk in. There it was, right in front of him, the Academy in all its glory. Standing like a memorial to everything it once was. He shuddered, and told himself that he was just cold. But it was more than that. He was unsettled. Half expecting that once he stepped through those doors he'd suddenly be young again, and the time he had spent away would have all been a dream.
"Get it together man," He mumbled to himself under his breath.
His composure nearly broke at the sight of Pogo. He hadn't seemed to have changed one bit, and that left Nathan feeling further disconnected from his expectations. "Master Nathan, it's good to see you." the primate greeted him with a warmth that Nathan wasn't sure he deserved. He couldn't imagine what it must of been like, trapped here all alone for all these years with only Reginald and Mom. "Pogo..." Nathan began, coughing to cover up the slight break in his voice. "Hey, uh, good to see you too..." He itched to reach out and hug Pogo, but squished that urge down as hard as he could.
"Has anyone else...is anyone else coming?" He asked, unsure if he truly wanted the answer. "A few of the others have already arrived yes, if you'd like I could show - " Nathan shook his head quickly, "No, no, I'm good. I just, I'm going to have a look around real quick, I'll see them all...later anyways. Thank you though..." With that said he moved past Pogo, determined to avoid the awkwardness that rushed over him.
Nothing at all had changed, Nathan wasn't sure whether that was a blessing or a curse.