Jessie Blackburn's Story

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Nikota sat comfortably cradled a few feet of the ground in her favorite tree. Midnight grazed on the grass below her. Her eyes dancing from line to line on the pages of her favorite book. The complete works of Edgar Allen Poe she had read the book countless times from start to finish, so much so the pages were worn. The sound of the creek that ran through the 40 acres of the D’ Angelo’s property keeping her company, one leg dangling from the branch. The sky was a depressing gray and dark black clouds plagued the sky. The usual summer storm was approaching quickly, setting the perfect mood for Nikota’s reading.

Niki shouldn’t we get going? the voice drifted through Nikota’s head like a soft melody, as Midnight lifted his head to look at his owner. She ignored as if she hadn’t heard. Midnight returned to his grass, knowing she was too enticed by her book to answer. A loud rumble echoed in the distance, followed by the angry streak of lighting across the sky behind Nikota and Midnight. Only moments passed before drops of water stared to fall from the darkened sky, though despite the light show in the sky and the rain, the weather remained warm.

“Now we should get going.” Niki said aloud, jumping from the tree like an adventurous little boy would. She wrapped her arms around her book protecting it from the soft flow of rain, shoving it into her backpack, before throwing it over one shoulder and climbing onto the bare back of her large black horse. “Midnight, my love, let’s ride” she spoke a loud and with those words the black stallion bolted, straight for the stables, she knew she’d be soaked by the time they got their but she didn’t mind in the slightest. Weather like this is what she lived for. The wind whipped through her long hair, she gripped her horses raven main as he raced through the tall grassed fields. Moments like this really made Nikota feel infinite.

When they finally reached the stables , midnight came to a slow halt out front. Midnight let out a loud snarl-like huff, stomping his front hoof obviously irritated at something. It was then Niki’s gaze meet the silver range rover parked in front of the house. She rolled her eyes “Doesn’t he have somewhere else to be.” She huffed. Apparently not, when are you going to tell that pompous prick to find someone else to stalk? Midnight huffed. Niki couldn’t help but giggle “He’s not so bad I guess.” She sighed knowing how much her father liked him. She kissed Midnights nose gently, before clicking to him, a signal for him to walk himself inside the barn.
Nikota watched as Midnight pranced into the barn and one of the ranch hands lead him into his stall. She half-ass jogged up to the house, soaking wet, she looked like drowned rat. Her drenched hair clinging to her face. The house was silent, with only the distant ticking of the grandfather clock.

“Daddy…Missy?” she paused waiting for a response “Trina…Jamie?” she paused once again. She bit her lip wondering where everyone was, shrugging she made her way up stairs, towards her room. “None of the above.” She heard a familiar voice call from the bottom of the staircase. She turned seeing Dustin in his normal, dressy attire, hair slicked back. “Decide to take a shower with your close on, love?” he smirked looking over her “Why don’t you get cleaned up, I’m taking you to dinner.” He said placing his hands on his sips. “Jamie’s making spaghetti, my favorite.” She lied as she continued up the stairs “Lair.” He chuckled following after her. Nikota stripped her clinging close from her body, reveling her badly scared torso and back, leaving the door open. Dustin leaned in the door way, he was the only person besides her father and sister who had ever seen her scars and lasting burns, not even Damien had ever seen them he had possibly caught glimpses but that was about it. He watched as she slipped on a hoodie and a pair of jean shorts, once they had been close…once she had been in love with him, but that seemed like ages ago now. “Listen Dusty, it’s a sweet gesture.” She said flipping her hair over crimping it so that when it dried she’d have soft beach curls. Then rearing her head back up shaking her hair out she flashed him her famous, pearly smile. “but, I’m just not feeling it tonight.” She said walking past him and making her way back down the stairs, taking them two steps at a time. He followed after her like a puppy. He had been trying to win her over since they broke up last summer, convinced they could pick up where they left off. She popped a cup of instant hot chocolate into the microwave, turning back around to face him. “Nik come on, please.” He begged She pretended to think about it for a second tapping her index finger against her lips. “Were home.” She heard her father’s thick Italian accent coming from the entry way. Nikota was grateful for the interruption.

She skip walked her way to where her father’s voice was coming from, looking very similar to the way a fairy would move, light and flowy. “Daddy, where did…” she stopped mid-sentence realizing who was standing behind her father, duffel bag, duchy sun glasses and all. Her eyes widening a bit. “Well look what the cat dragged in.” she heard Dustin say from behind before she had the chance to say anything.

“Yeah missed you to pretty boy.” Jessie teased. “What’s wrong baby doll, cat got your tongue.” He said almost darkly as he glanced to Nikota. “Feels good to be back.” He added staring right at Niki. Nikota’s realized how shocked she must have looked and quickly replaced the look with a slightly irritated look. “Wow dad, I thought we were always taught to take the trash out, not give it a home.” She growled before pushing past them back outside into the rain making her way to find her sister, wanting to warn her that he was back.

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Jessie rolled his eyes as he felt Nikota push past him “Drama Queen.” He said under his breath. “I suggest if you have anything bad to say about my daughters, you keep it to yourself.” Mr. D’ Angelo warned in a very fatherly tone. “Yeah, whatever.” he breathed. “What are you doing here rich boy, stalking Drama Queen I assume.” Jessie smirked. He liked to push peoples buttons and although he respected Mr. D’ Angelo, he still couldn’t help be test the waters. “Jessie, I’m going to pretend I didn’t hear that. You can head up stairs and get settled in. Leave your bag here. I’ll make sure and go through it.” He said in a strict tone, though his voice smooth and calm. Mr. D’ Angelo was a very kind and generous man. Having been an orphan himself, he had quite a lot of patients when it came to trouble makers like Jessie.

“Yeah, Yeah. You got it warden. I’ll just go upstairs and wait for you to take the imaginary handcuffs off.” He said dropping his duffel bag right where he stood, before giving the two men in the room a lazy two finger salute before jogging up the stairs. He opened the door to a bedroom he was quite familiar with, it was exactly the same as the day he’d walked out without a word. Nothing had been moved. He shut the door behind him, closing himself off from the outside world. His eyes drifting over the room, before his blue eyes feel upon a photo that nearly shattered his already broken heart. He could remember taking the picture like it was yesterday, it was taken the night he left. A photo of them kissing, they had actually been quite happy in that very moment. He haven’t realized he had been tracing his lips as if trying to feel where her lips had been. “Why the fuck’d I come back here.” He whispered breaking the silence. He rubbed the back of his head, before locking the door and making his way to the window.

He watched as Nikota headed straight for Kit’s dance studio. He despised that girl, the way she pranced like a little doe, the way she acted like she owned the world. He could see right through her. He wondered how her and Kittrina got a long, they were so different. He snuck his hands under the window pushing it up, allowing the rain drops to fall on the window sill. He cupped his hands around his mouth so that the next thing he yelled would be more audible.

“Hey Niki, why don’t you stop being such a bitch, don’t you think tattle telling is a bit below you.” He smirked when she flipped him off, letting him know she had heard him. He flopped down on his bed, sinking into the soft comforter. He really did love it here and he really did appreciate Mr. D’ Angelo, but he was already used to being so disrespectful to everyone, he wasn’t sure he could change for anyone. He pulled a small baggie from his pocket, smirking a bit seeing five joints, holding them up as if he’d won some kind of contest. He sat up pulling one from the baggie before stuffing the remaining joints between the two mattresses. He stood making his way to his old desk, pulling out the top drawer. “Hello old friend.” He said grabbing the lighter, he struck the back watching the flame dance to life as he lit the joint, taking a long drag, coughing harshly as he let the smoke out.

“Here’s to the beginning of hell.” He glanced out the window, taking another drag, letting the flavor of the marijuana stain his mouth before blowing the smoke out again.

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Nikota didn’t have to warn her sister, Jessie had done that himself when he’d yelled after her. She watched her sister’s face and the anger behind her eyes. She took her sister’s warning and normally she would have followed her regardless, but this wasn’t her fight. This was something Nikota couldn’t protect her from, even though something inside her desperately wanted to. She let out a small sigh as her sister walked past her and she was too caught up in her own thoughts to her what her sister had said before slamming the door shut.

A small rumble finally brought the realization to Niki that once again she was becoming soaked. She let out a frustrated groan. Before deciding to head into the barn, more or less because she was to lazy to walk all the way back up to the house and secondly because she didn’t really feel like hearing the screaming match that was inevitable. Once she was inside the large indoor barn she let out a breath of relief. She headed straight for the office, flipping on the music and letting it drift through the barns high tech sound system, it was just loud enough to drown out the world that lay just outside. She had been the last one to listen to music in the barn and she smiled when one of her favorite slow jams started slowly. She pulled a pack of cigarettes, from her father’s drawer lighting it and taking a drag. Her father would kill her if he knew she’d picked up the nasty habit of smoking.

She left the office and made her way down one of the isle, stalls lined on either side. not this damn song again, fuck Nik it gets old. she heard Macho Man growl as she walked past his stall. “Love you to Macho.” She blew him a kiss at which he shook his head as if disgusted. She did this quite often. Much like how Kitty would disappear into her art studio she would disappear into the stables late at night after all the stable hands had gone home and listen to her music, while she smoked and was left alone with her thoughts. It was safe to say she had become quite the insomniac since her mother had passed and the nightmares started.

She took another long drag from her cigarette, before freezing spotting Damien. “Shit” she mumbled flicking the half burned cigarette to the ground and stomping it out with the toe of her black converse. busted Macho snickered.

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Mr. D’ Angelo sighed when his daughter came bursting through the door, she could hat him all she wanted, but when it came to someone he cared about needing him the circumstances didn’t matter. He still wasn’t exactly happy about what Jessie had done to Kitty, but that was beside the point. He had expected her to explode. Dustin sighed shaking his head a bit “Well, I guess that’s my cue.” He said shaking hands politely with Mr. D’Angelo before making a B line for the door. “Kittrina, please calm down.” Her mother called after her. “Just let them work it out.” Mr. D’ Angelo said kissing his wife gently as they made their way to their bedroom.
Jessie laid on the bed enjoying his joint, before hearing the door bust open causing him to jump up, not in fear but more in defiance. Before he had the chance to react or say anything, his ex had snatched his joint and thrown it out the window. “Wow, Kitten real mature.” He said irritated, he shook his head pushing her from his view a little rougher then he meant almost causing her to fall on the bed. He made his way to close the door, slamming it shut before turning back around to face her.

H lead against the wall in his cool, careless way. Like he had no one to answer to, nothing to worry about. His dark hair falling just slightly in his. He glared her through his hair, remaining silent for a moment as if waiting for her to make the next move, but it was no surprise that he grew impatient.

“What the fuck am I doing here?” he repeated quietly, he could feel his anger rising, something about the two being together was just a bad combination of rage and hormones. “Fuck you.” He said harshly. He knew she was upset, he could see it even though she was doing her best to hide it, it shown through. He could still read her like an open book, maybe the only person in the world that could. “I told you Kitten, I told you not to fall for me.” He said as if that was going to mend what was broken, he was making an excuse for his leave of absence, without so much as a goodbye. The room went silent again and a loud clash of thunder rumbled the windows. The thunder outside matched the anger between the two.

“I’m not here to mend your broken heart. I’m here cause I have no other choice. You really think I would have come back if I had another fucking choice. When I left…I thought I left for good.” He wanted to take back the words almost as soon as he’d said them, they sounded so cruel even in his own ears. But, he didn’t show a single ounce of remorse. “Grow up Kitty, move on.” He added in a hush tone, trying to calm himself.

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The song ended and the next song started, yet another one of Niki’s favorite slow jams. She knew the lyrics by heart and sang along in her head. "Relax Nik, I'm not gonna tell on you." she heard Damien say and she raised a brow deciding whether or not to trust him. He pulled out two cigarettes offering her one. She hesitated but took it “I’ll kill you if you tell, you know that right.” She teased, though there was a touch of seriousness to her voice. She used to know Damien, before he’d left after her mother had passed, he used to be like a big brother to her. But, when he’d come back, he was different, she was different and their relationship was nothing but business, at this point she could guarantee Kit and Damien had a closer relationship.

"Not hungry?" she heard him ask "Jamie's probably making diner in there." She rolled her eyes, she’d never been to found of Jamie, she tried acting way to much like her mother. She was to sweet, too happy all the time. “No offence, but Jamie can’t cook.” She said in an honest tone. “I feel bad for you.” She smirked, taking a drag from the cigarette. She leaned against an empty stall. “Just between you and I…” she paused debating whether or not she should say what she was thinking “you could do better than her, don’t you get tired of Holly Homemaker.” She asked genuinely curious. She knew she’d probably crossed the line, but she wasn’t exactly the type of girl to think before speaking.

“You guys make me want to throw up sometimes.” She admitted and that was partly because, deep down she had been crushing on Damien since he’d come back. She was pissed off when he left and came back married and in all honesty this was probably the first time she’d carried on more than two words with him in over a year. “What the hell happened to you DJ?” the words escaped in a whisper though loud enough for him to hear, she hadn’t called him DJ in years and she wondered if he’d even remember that’s what she use to call him when she was little. She knew that question definitely crossed the line, but she didn't feel the need to apologize, it was the truth, just just wondered why she cared so much to ask. She let her ears tune back into the music that she had forgot was playing. She didn't bother to look at him as she took another drag from her cigarette.

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He stood their unwavering from his cool, collected posture, letting her lash out just like he had. He wasn’t mad at her he had nothing to be mad at her about, to be completely honest looking at her now, how beautiful she was, he hated himself for leaving, but it was all he knew how to do. This fight brought back memories, he let his mind wonder for only a moment. He smirked as she spoke mocking her, it was something they did to each other often it was safe to they loved to piss each other off. Her words hurt, because he could her the torment in her voice. "I'm here because I want to know why the fuck you came back?" he heard her finally say and he hadn’t realized how close she had gotten.

The room went silent after her question and as if ashamed he let his head hang. Taking a breath. Then letting it back out. He owed her that much…didn’t he? He was always fighting an inner battle with his self, whether or not to be bad or good, more often than not bad was his finally decision. He lifted his eyes till they meet hers, he reached down lifting up his pant leg to revel the house arrest device around his ankle, once he saw her eyes glance down to it he dropped the leg and crossed his arms in front of him. “Drug Possession, Assault, Theft, Attempted murder…” he spoke not explaining himself simply reading off a list. “That’s why.” He ended a dark cloud hung over the room, silence overtook once more.

A cocky, taunting smile played on his lip, which meant one thin, he wanted to prove something. He reached out grabbing her wrist and pulling her to him, gripping her tightly around the waist. The heat rose from the back of his neck to his cheeks and for a moment them being this close again he decided wasn’t exactly the best idea he’d ever had. He fumbled for the door knob, finally throwing the door open and pushing her out the door. In all honesty if he had let her stay there any longer he would have been the one to crack and kiss her. He wasn’t ready for that, he didn’t want her to put up with his shit anymore then he already had. For once in his life he was putting her before his own selfish wants, but of course she wouldn’t know that, she would just think he was being an asshole, like normal. He stood blocking the door way. “You got your answer princess, scram.” He winked.

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”I don’t know” his answer pissed her off, but she stayed calm on the outside biting the inside of her cheek. "I guess I took your mother's death pretty hard.” She heard him say “She was like a mother to me too Nik. And I got into a lot of drinking because of it, and I didn't want you guys to see me that way. You had your own problems to fix. You didn't need to worry about trying to fix me too." this only mad her anger rise, she wasn’t the type to lose her cool so easy, maybe it was the combination of the weather and seeing Jessie, that was making her so irritable. She clinched her fist and jaw almost at the same time. She shook her head not wanting to hear anything else he had to say “but being in love isn't easy. You'll understand when you get there." but those words pushed her over the edge.

“Don’t treat me like I’m some little kid who doesn’t understand love.” Her voice raised a little louder than normal. “Firstly, running off to Vegas to tie the knot after only a few months of knowing someone doesn’t exactly spell out love.” She knew that was harsh and she felt bad, but she was already mad and once she was mad it was just an avalanche of hurtful words and phrases. “And, secondly you want to give me the excuse that you left because she was like a mother to you…she WAS my mother and your forgetting one small fact D, I was there. If you or anyone only knew what they did too me that night...” She stopped breathing heavily, the memories creeping back on her. She hadn’t realized she had started crying and she wiped her tears with her sweater sleeve. Taking a slow drag from her cigarette.

“You just don’t get it do you. You have a family who loves you, my dad might as well be you biological father. He talks about you like you’re a saint.” She said almost envious “Stop running, you have nothing to run from.” She chocked back ears “Your scars are internal, be thankful.” She breathed. The music the only sound breaking the silence and that she was grateful for. She was right about the fact that she wasn’t a child, she may be only sixteen, but she was wiser than most her age.

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He barely showed any expression when she slapped him, his face burned and stung, but he smirked as if he had enjoyed the pain. "I've been waiting a long time to do that you know." her words only turned his smirk into a full smile. “Glad I could help you fulfill your dreams” he said leaning with his arm in the door way leaving the tattoo of her nickname completely visible on the side of his hand as if showing it of purposely wanting her to see it, but he had forgotten it was even there. "Life here is going to be Hell for you Jessie. You're not going to be able to just sit around and get high all the time. You'll have to actually work."

“I can’t wait, as long as you’re there to keep me company hell sounds like a dream.” He said kissing at her lazily. “Actually working, ha, doubt it. D’s got my back. You seem to be the only one who doesn’t like me, well you and drama queen, but she doesn’t count.” He teased. It was obvious the tone between them had lightened, at least for the moment. This was how they functioned, possibly the only way they knew how. His attrition was diverted when he heard someone coming up the stairs, his eyes falling behind a peppy blonde, who appeared behind Kit.

“Hiya…er sorry for interrupting.” She quickly corrected herself. “Jamie told me to come upstairs and grab you two love birds, dinners ready.” Olive smiled at the both of them. Jessie smirked glancing back down to Kittrina, then back to Olive “Hey cupcake, aren’t you a pretty thing.” He said winking at the girl. She bit her lip giggling a bit. “Love birds, ha, that’s funny.” He said as he closed the door behind him making his way passed Kittrina down the stairs. He stopped half way looking back up at Kit “Hey babe, you coming or what.” His tone was taunting, before he made his way down the rest of the stairs and rounded into the kitchen.

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She had nearly stopped breathing when he’d reached up and whipped her reaming tears. His touch was soft and genuine. She hated herself for having broken down in front of him, she had been doing so good. She watched as he took the cigarette from her, to hide the fact that she was smoking. She smiled a little at the gesture. She glanced to Jamie who wrapped her arms around his neck kissing him right in front of her. Jealousy, rose in her and she really wanted to punch Jamie in the face after she pulled away and called her honey, and just like that she was dragging Damien away. Leaving her there, she could see the rain had let up outside.

Kota huh, how sweet. she heard Macho Man tease
“Shut it Macho” she yelled. Making her way into the office flipping off the music before heading up to the house. Just in time to catch her sister coming down the stairs, she followed behind her sitting at her normal spot across from Damien, never in her life had she wanted to sit somewhere else so badly. Her father sat at the head of the table, Jamie passing out food, ruffling Niki’s hair like she was a little kid as she walked by. It took everything in Nikota not to break her wrist, she shot Damien a look, rolling her eyes before glancing around the table. “This ought to be interesting.” She whispered more to herself.

Once everyone was sat at the table Mr. D’ Angelo, smiled as he started to speak. “Friday is the 7th annual Summer party” he began, his accent thick. “I expect everyone to help in finishing the preparations.” He shot a look to Jessie who simply rolled his eyes. The Annual summer party was something Nikot’s mother had started and her father had continued, it was to raise money for local charities and for the community to get together. There was always lots of dancing, alcohol, and drama.

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Jessie sat comfortably with his arm lazily rested on the back of Olive’s chair. “Great, the annual hillbilly bash, was hopping I’d miss it this year.” He teased “I guess it won’t be too bad, lots of girls so I guess that’s a plus.” He said taking a drink of his coke. Not waiting for anyone else, digging into the food as if he’d hadn’t had a meal in years.

“So what’s the big news, Jamie?” he glanced over to the blonde, not really caring but not wanting there to be any kind of awkward pauses he was good for situations like that. “You and Foxy finally going to have a real wedding? Maybe moving out, please oh please don’t take Foxy away.” He laughed at his own sarcasm. He acted as though he’d never left falling back into his normal routine, Jessie was that way, he always made it seem like the past was no big deal. “Whatever it is just spit it out you been bragging about it for the past ten minutes.” He said shoveling food into his mouth.
“Yes, please do share the news.” Mr. D’ Angelo cut in tired of hearing Jessie’s mouth full of food language.

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She had willed herself to stay as Kitty left the room, fighting everything in her to follow her sister out. She had all but lost interest in the topics, replaying the words she’d said to Damien. She had drown out Jamie’s annoying excitement until she heard ”I’m Pregnant” her eyes widened and she looked straight at Damien who was already pulling Jamie with him out of the room. The group stayed quit as they heard Damien’s yells and Jamie coming back to the kitchen collecting her stuff, balling her eyes out.

“Olive, go after Jamie.” Mr. D’ Angelo ordered “Now.” He raised his voice, something he didn’t do often. There wasn’t a lot that set Damien off, but when something did set him off it was like trying to tame a wild horse. Mr. D’ Angelo stood up “dinner’s going to be cut short.” He sighed making his way to where Damien was. Nikota stood up “Dad, I got it. He’s going to be hell on wheels right now, no offense but I think that person he wants to face is you.” She spoke truth, her father thought for a moment knowing that when he was pissed he could be quite violent, but nothing Nikota couldn’t handle, he nodded, he knew she was right and if anyone could calm him down it was oddly enough going to be Niki.

She rounded the corner, staring at him for a moment. She hadn’t seen him this angry in years, she blamed Jamie. Ever since they’d been together he’d seem to loses his temper more often. “Dad huh, Congrats.” She said sarcastically which probably wasn’t the best thing to start with. “Dad says I have to get you out of the house, before you do anymore damage, care to join me for a walk?” it wasn’t exactly a question. She turned on her heel and made her way towards the nearest exit. When she got outside the rain had all but stopped, what was left of the late afternoon sun played hide and seek with the remaining clouds. She waited, almost as if she knew he’d follow.

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Jessie sighed at what had just happened he wasn’t exactly one to involve himself in others business, so he took Mr. D’ Angelo’s “Dinner’s going to be cut short” as a warning and made his way out he debated on heading back up stairs and crashing for the rest of the evening, but he couldn’t help but wonder where Kit had gone off to, he wanted to see her, he wanted to be near her. He couldn’t think of a reasonable excuse to go find her, then of course there was all the drama that had just taken place. He shrugged it was good enough reason for him to hunt her down and break the happy or not so happy news to her.

He made his way on to the front porch, glancing around a bit pulling the pack of cigarettes from his back pocket and lighting one. Before crossing the lawn, then the drive way to the stables, he pulled the barn door open quietly sneaking in. The barn was exactly the same, in fact not much had changed since he’d been her last. He took a long drag off his cigarette. He smirked a bit “Some mood music wouldn’t hurt.” He said to himself, the office was left open and he smirked slipping in, flipping through the CD case that was left in there. Deciding on a purple, burned CD with nothing written on it, popping it in.

The song started to play over the speakers, he let out a slightly irritated groan. “How fitting. Thanks for rubbing it in.” he said talking to himself. Shrugging he threw the CD case onto the desk, before exiting the office in search of Kittrina. “Hey Kitten, guess who’s pregnant.” He yelled throughout the barn, too lazy to search for her any longer. Leaning up against one of the empty stables.

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She let him vent she knew it was what he needed. They walk along the pasture walking quite a ways from the house. "Was I too hard on her?" he asked but still she remained quiet, and just like she’d assumed he’d continued. Then when he was finished, for once she thought about her words carefully. “When I was a kid, I use to know this really great guy.” She started “He wasn’t scared of anything and he told me once…that the worst mistake anyone can make is being afraid to make them.” She gave him a genuine cheer up smile “You also told, Mistakes were proof that we were trying.” She said as they continued their slow pace.

“Were you too hard on her?” she repeated his question “Yeah, but in all honesty she obviously doesn’t know you that well, or she would have known that you hate surprises.” She nudged him playfully. “and wasn’t it you who just told me love isn’t easy?” she stopped no longer wanting to walk walking over to one of the big willow trees, she turned back to him using her head gesturing for him to follow.

She lend against the large trunk of the willow tree, now hidden by the curtain of long tangled branches. It was where her mother used to read to her, it was beautiful, behind the curtain of long vine like branches. “Maybe, you and Jamie were doomed from the start. Kind of like Me and Dusty or Kitty and Jessie.” She sighed as she watched him come through drapes of tree vines. “Did you really mean it?” she started, almost in a taunting tone of voice “When you said you hadn’t been in love.” She paused for a moment, night had already fallen faster than normal due to the weather. It was hard to see his expression in the darkness. “You don’t love her do you?” she didn’t realize she had said the words aloud, she was thinking it, but she certainly didn’t meant to say it, but now that she had said it she was curious.

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“You see I would leave, but” he gestured down to his ankle “Kind of can’t the big man’s my warden.” He teased. He watched her lift the cigarette to her lips and he honestly didn’t know who much more of this he could take, he’d give anything to have her again. “You know it wasn’t you.” He spoke softer than his normal cocky tone of voice, something he only did when they were alone. “It was never you Kitty, you gotta know that. I owe you that much.” As if he knew what she was thinking, it was his way of apologizing for leaving her. Although it was nowhere near close to an I’m sorry, he hoped that, that would at least make him feel better about what he done to her if nothing else.

He moved closer, quietly. He knew her well enough to know she wanted to know everything. Every damn detail of how he had gotten himself in so much trouble. A smile crept on to his lips at the thought. He flicked his cigarette having finished it. He debating spilling everything that had happened over the past year to her, but that would probably only worry her to know that he was a target of a rival gang or that he had seen his younger brother for the first time in three years and he was sure his dad was going to come looking for him. Death was going to have a field day when everything caught up with him. Just as the smile appeared it was gone as the bad thoughts replaced the good ones.

“Don’t worry Kittrina.” Her full name tasted bad his mouth, he rarely used it “I’ll be out of you perfect life as soon as this thing is taken off my ankle.” He said not in a mean way, but almost as a promise, not to hurt her anymore then he already had. “I’ll help you count down the days” he teased.

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She watched him fight whether or not he was actually in love with this girl. She didn’t know what to say, there was only so much she could say. "I can't leave her now that she's pregnant. Her baby would grow up without a father, and I know how that feels. I couldn't do that." she could hear the pain in his voice and it killed her. She couldn’t say I know how you feel, because she didn’t. She didn’t know what it was like without a father, she had only recently lost her mother three years ago and she wasn’t sure she had completely come to terms with that.

He had stepped close enough know she could make out his features in the dim moonlight that peeked through the vines. She saw the veins in his arm tighten, as his fist balled up. She knew well enough his anger was coming back, but unlike everyone who had ever seen him when he was angry, she wasn’t scared of what he’d do to her, cause she wasn’t afraid to beat the shit out of him if he did do anything and maybe that’s why he father let her go. She gently wrapped her fingers around his balled up fist stepping in front of him.

With her free hand she grabbed his face between her fingers, forcing him to look at her. “DJ.” she spoke in a stern voice “Anger is not going to make the situation any better what’s done is done, it can’t be fixed.” Her voice was strained almost as if she could feel his anger, his pain. “Punching things, yelling at people…it’s stupid.” she said staring straight into his eyes.

---

---

"You don't get it do you?" She laughed harshly. "Nothing about my life is perfect." She shook her head, and her blue eyes locked on his. "How dare you assume it is." this pissed him off. He closed his eyes taking a breath but it. He threw his hands up as if giving up “What the fuck do you want from me Kit.” He yelled loud enough to startle some of the horses. He slicked his hair back, he could feel himself coming down from the high he’d been on. “You life isn’t perfect no one’s is I get that. I didn’t mean for you to take offence, figures I says something meaningless and that’s what set’s you off.” he continued “Fuck, I can’t do anything right can I” this was more him talking to himself.

He pinched the bridge of his nose, trying to restrain the oncoming head ach. “I get it I royally fucked up when I left okay” his voice grew even louder, the fight from early collapsing on top this argument. “The world doesn’t revolve around this ranch. I didn’t leave because I thought I’d be fun to break your heart Kat.” He said matter of fact-ly closing the space between them. Any other girl would be scared of his unpredictable rage, but he knew Kittrina would stand her ground and he loved that about her. He knew then he’d said too much, he admitted to still having feelings for her, he’d cracked but only slightly.

“I need a drink” he breathed, looking her in the eyes before turning away before he could cause any damage to her of the surroundings. He walked back up the way he’d came, but he paused turning back to her, letting out a weak, strained laugh “I have to live with the choices I’ve made. Don’t think leaving you isn’t one I regret.” There he had said it, he figured why not he had just about said everything else. “Have a nice night Kitten.” He said truing back, heading for the door once again.

---

The ride to the hospital was less then miserable, she wasn’t even sure if it was real. Then her eyes fluttered shut the darkness overtook her, she fell into a deep sleep, much like the one she had before. Then once asleep she began to panic, of course no one could her hear from inside her own mind. All she knew is that the nightmares where coming, violent, vivid nightmares.

After a good hour or so of nothing from the doctors, despite both Dustin and Damien’s threats, a women emerged from Nikota’s room. “Mr. D’ Angelo.” She spoke calmly “May I have a word with you?” he nodded bracing himself for the worst. He heard the two boys trailing behind him. “Mr. Paul, Mr. Fox” she known the D’ Angelo family for years, she was their personal doctor and happened to be a close friend with Dustin’s mother. She glanced up to the two boys “Seeing as this is a personal matter.” She began “Unless Mr. D’ Angelo gives me the okay, you boys I’m afraid I cannot share this information with.” She glanced to Mr. D’ Angelo “It’s alright, there just as worried.” He said nodding gently. “There is good news and bad news which do you want first?” she said staring at Mr. D’ Angelo there was a unanimous vote for good.

“The good news is that she’s stable…for the moment. She’s awake, the wound on her leg was pretty deep but nothing to worry about, it Nothing a few stitches couldn’t fix.” She said calmly though her face turning into more of a frown at this point “The bad news is whatever triggered all this, cause her to back pedal. She’s more than likely going to have to go back to her therapy sessions and whether she likes it or not, she’s going to have to start her medication again.” She informed them. “She won’t take the medication, she’d stubborn like her mother.” Mr. D’ Angelo frowned gently “Let me put it to you this way, she glanced between all three of the men who stood in front of her, her tone lowering becoming even more serious “She either takes that medication or she’s going to end up killing herself.”

“Damn it.” Dustin breathed, shooting Damien a dirty look. “When can we see her?” Dustin said running a hand threw his hair.
The doctor smiled “Whenever you’re ready, but know that she is weak and I’m not sure how much she’ll want to talk. So were only allowing once visitor at a time.” She and with that the doctor turned making her way back down the hall.

---

---

"Don't let them put me in the hospital again..." he heard her say, he was a little confused by this but he ignored it "I'm not crazy." she continued. “I know.” He said simply as if he knew what she was talking about, but he was a little more than confused. He felt her push away from him followed by her yelling about his ankle bracelet "If I'm what you live for, why did you leave, you liar?" that hurt, he knew she wasn’t in the right mind, but still the words hurt. He clinched his fists, trying his best to control his anger, there was no use in fighting with her, he needed to get her home, possibly to the hospital, judging by the blood he spotted on the back of her head. So sitting here and arguing wasn’t what he had in mind. Her question had confirmed the fact that she was still bothered by the fact he’d left as much as she tried to mask it, she couldn’t forget about it. He rubbed the back of his neck, trying to come up with something to say that wouldn’t completely piss her off.

She was going to be the death of him, he sighed, he was going to have to break this time, for the first time. He’d have to be the mature one and actually open up. He feared if he didn’t she’d do something drastic and if something happened to her right in front of him he wouldn’t be able to live with himself. He knew she was unstable, they both were and he blamed that for the reason they couldn’t have a healthy relationship. Without realizing it he’d started to trace the tattoo of her name with his fingers. He wasn’t sure what to do, he couldn’t exactly run this time and more than anything he hated not having an exit.

“I’m sorry…” his whisper was lost in the loud clash of the waves crashing into the rocks and he knew she hadn’t heard, he’d barely head it. “I’m sorry Kittrina.” He said louder and he meant it. He wasn’t sure if he’d actually ever apologized to anyone. He grabbed her arm pulling her back to him, wrapping an arm around her waist, tightly as if she was going to disappear into thin air. He gently moved a few strands of her hair from her face. Gently placing his lips to her forehead, then unwrapping his arm from her waist placing his hands on either side of her face, locking his deep blue eyes with her. In one swift movement he brought their lips together, his heartbeat fastened and he kissed her hard, but somehow it was still tender. He felt the heat in his body rise, when he kissed her it was like everything around him ceased to exist, like they were the only two people in the whole word. No other girl could make him feel the way he did when he was kissing her. He pulled his lips away, pulling her into a comforting embrace.

“I’ll fix us.” He said promising “If it’s the last thing I do.” He almost regretted the promise as soon as he’d made if cause he wasn’t exactly sure he could them, he couldn’t fix himself for god sake. He knew even then as he held her, he was going to break her heart, but for now he meant it, he was going to try. "Now for the love of god would you please let me take you to the hospital or back home at least." he said of course lighting the mood like he always did.

---

It was true, Nikota didn’t want to see anyone, especially her father. How could she do that to him, she was being selfish and there was no telling how tortured he’d been, first his wife then his daughter. She groaned a bit wishing she could go back to last night and instead of turning into a complete freak, she should have taken a breath and just slept it off. Then there was Damien who she was sure was beating himself up about this whole thing, she could have stopped him to she was Just as much at fault for what had happened. Her monitor beeped bringing her from her thoughts, she just wanted to go home not be here, here was the last damn place she wanted to be.

She heard a soft knock at the door, her eyes falling on her father. Underneath his eyes were dark as if he hadn’t slept and worry lines were present more so on his aged face.

“Daddy I…” he held a hand up interrupting her.

“Your alive, that’s all that counts don’t apologize. I’m not upset with you, this is something that couldn’t be helped. Your sister’s went missing to. Maybe me bringing Jessie back wasn’t the best idea.” He said sitting down next to her, placing his hand in her, she was cold almost as if she was dead and she more than likely almost was.

“Kitty’s missing?!” she gasped “We have to find her!” she glanced around as if mapping out how to escape.

“Relax Nik, Jessie text me a few moments ago, there headed back to the house now.” She let out a breath of relief at her father’s words, no she was just worried about her sister more than anything. Had she been smart she’d have been able to be there for Kitty instead of Jessie, she let out a small huff. Her father decide against telling her what the doctor had said about putting her back on her meds and making her go back to therapy, he figured that’s the last thing she wanted to hear. “La Mia Bella” he started with a smile “Your mother and I are going to head back home and check on your sister, Dustin and Damien are waiting to see you. One of them will more than likely be staying with you if you have to stay overnight.” He sighed not exactly wanting to leave his daughter in this condition, but he had even seen Kit and she was his daughter to by blood or not and there wasn’t much more he could do for Niki.

Nikota knotted “You should get some rest, you look tired.” She said softly “I love you.” She said as he kissed her forehead.
“Anch'io ti amo bambina.” Her father said in Itatlian, she understood most of the langauage, but she wouldn’t say she was fluet like Damien and her father.

“Dad” she called to him just before he closed the door “I want to see DJ. Not Dusty.” To this her father was suprised, but he nodded.

Making his way back out to the waiting room he galnced between the two boys, he could feel the tension between them. “I don’t know what’s gotten into you two.” He said standing in front of the boys “But you better sure as hell get over it.” Mr. D’ Angelo said almost thretening the two. “She wants to see you.” Dustin automadically assumed this meant him, he stood up but her father stopped him “Not you, Damien.” He saidglancing to Damien.

---

---

He heard her say they’d be broken again in less then a day and he was relived that she had been the one to say it. Her request to go home instead of the hospital wasn’t a surprise to him, he nodded and picked her up once again. The tide had gone down enough now they could simply walk around the rock wall now. He carried her, with ease across the beach and back to the car opening the passenger side door, setting her down gently.

“Jay?” he heard a voice call from behind “Jessie Blackburn.” He debated on whether or not to turn around and knowledge the person, he wasn’t sure if this person was a threat to him or not. He looked straight into Kittrina’s eyes.

“Don’t move Kitten, don’t get out of the car.” He said in a low voice, before closing the door and turning to face the person.
He left out a breath of relief realizing it was one of his old friends or drug dealer who he use to hang around with before he left. They did there old hand shake that seemed stupid to Jessie now, but never the less he did it. They talked for a bit, Jessie telling him why he was back and where he was staying and just carrying on friendly conversation.

“Fuck Jay J, I thought you were never coming back” Jessie winced at the nickname, he hated it, but had used it as a sort of ales. “You and Kitty Kat at it again.”he asked, Jessie clenched his fist as he called her that he didn’t exactly like other guys, drug dealers nicknaming her. To everyone in his world she was his girl whether or not they were together and everyone knew better then to mess with her. The man could odiously see how agitated Jessie had become. “Well listen man it was nice seeing you, give me a call, you know i’ll hook you up.” He smirked handing a slip of paper to Jessie. He shoved it in his pocket, he would more then likely be using that later.

He made his way to the drivers side of the Jeep hopping in, shoving the keys into the ignition and backing out.

---

"You scared the shit out of me." she couldn’t help but let out a small laugh "But don't apologize. I'm the one who should say sorry." he continued "I don't know why I kissed you last night." she rolled her eyes at this, but she didn’t interrupt "But I didn't say sorry because I didn't want to, or I didn't like it." He was fumbling over his words, she could tell he didn’t exactly know what to say. "I said sorry because it wasn't fair to you. It's not fair of me to put you in that position Kota." She could tell he was finally finished with his apology when his gaze fell to his hands.

“You deserved it.” She said lightly “being scared and all.” She half meant it. “And just in case you were wanting an answer to the mystery of why you kissed me…” she said looking at him, his eyes still on his hands “It’s cause you’re a boy and boys do stupid things.” She teased, trying to make him feel better she hated seeing him upset. “I mean look at Jessie, he’s a perfect example of stupid boys doing stupid things.” She scoffed at the thought of him.

She caught herself staring at him as the room fell silent and for the first time in her life she wished she was older, she wished Damien had fallen in love with her instead of Jamie…she wished she was Jamie. She hated herself for feeling this way, it was one meaningless kiss…right?

Bringing her from her thoughts, the door opened and Jamie peeked in, she had a sick feeling in the pit of her stomach, seeing her stupid smile. “Damien, Honey we should probably get going. Mr. D’ Angelo is going to want us back at the house to get ready for tomorrow.” She hated the way Jamie did that, the way she spoke to him almost as if he was a child and couldn’t think for himself and she wondered if she was the only one who realized she did that to him. She didn’t even acknowledge the fact that Niki was lying in a hospital bed, not that she wanted the girls sympathy to begin with.

She didn’t want to make him choose, whether or not to stay with her or go with Jamie, but in the same since she almost felt that if he left to go with Jamie it would prove that, the kiss was really meaningless and as much as it hurt maybe that’s what she need to see him walking away, that way she could just stop thinking about it.

Then Like always, her mouth spoke before she could stop herself. “Great, guess I’ll be spending the next few hours with Dustin, until they release me.” She frowned, rolling her eyes as she glanced up a Jamie.

---

---

His mind still wondering how and why that guy had known it was him, it’d been a year, why would he even assume. Jessie could feel himself growing paranoid, no one knew how deep he had actually gotten himself after he left the ranch. He regreted it all now, being with Kitty again, he was putting her in danger just being around her. He heard her menchen somthing about the party being tomorrow and he realized he was gripping the steering wheel so tightly the blood had drained from his knuckles. He glanced over shooting him one of his famous smirks so she’d know he’d heard her and so she wouldn’t question him.

“Yeah, guess I better tell Olive she’s out of luck, seeing as we made up.” He knew this would piss her off, he was doing it again pushing her away. God Damn it, Jessie what the fucks wrong with you he yelled at himself, but he was never very good at listening to his contious “I mean I didn’t think we actually make up, you seemed pretty dead set on hating me so I asked her to go to the party with me.” He admited. “I mean that is of course if you want to go with mem otherwise I’ll still go with her.” He said hoping she would want to go with him.

The girl was pretty, but she was so... dense, he couldn’t carry on a conversation with the girl for the life of him unless it revlved around One Direction or the horses. He pulled up outside the house and before she had the chance to answer he got out of the car, walking around the front and opening her door for her. “By the way” he started “Niki’s in the hospital, she’ll be home later this evening.” He sighed having, Mr. D’ Angelo having told him when he text him about finding Kitty. “Thought you should know. Apperently you and her both decided to take off on us last night.” He frowned gently offering his hand to her.

---

She was convinced that Damien would go with Jaime and she kept telling herself over and over again that was how it was supposed to be, than she felt stupid for even saying anything. She sighed a bit irritated with herself. "I think I'll stay here and keep Niki company. She's more important than some silly party." She looked up at him a bit shocked "Take Dustin with you. He's a strong kid. He'll be able to do heavy lifting and all that hard stuff instead of me. Tell him Niki wanted him to. I'm sure he'll jump at the chance." She could tell Jamie was mad, anyone could have the girl wasn’t exactly good at hiding her emotions especially when it came to Damien. Niki couldn’t help but smirk as she glanced over to Jamie, she had to fight the urge to stick her tongue out like a spoiled little kid. She flinched a bit as the door slammed harder than necessary.

Her smirk turning into a full blown smile, she couldn’t help but laugh at Niki’s reaction. “Look at you Mr. Rebellious.” She teased, biting her lip “I was wondering when I’d get the old DJ back. I mean no offence but Jamie kind of turned you into a boring, softy.”

She was happy that she had inevitably won over Jamie, but a part of her felt horrible, that subconsciously she had made him make the choice, she chose to push those feeling away for now at least until she was alone to beat herself up about it. Then a new feeling over took, the thought that the kiss actually had meant something and now they were left with that. She kept her emotions under control on the outside she was calm, but on the inside she was battling an over load of emotions.

“Your definitely going to be in the dog house when you get home.” he smirked.

---

---

He rolled his eyes as she jumped out of the car pushing past him. Now the he knew she was safe, he was quickly turning back into his old self and he was aware of it, but it was like a disease that couldn’t be cured. He clenched his fist aggravated at the fact that she was walk away from him.

"I'll go to the party with you Jessie." This caused him to loosen his fist a bit until she spoke again "But let's face it. You'll probably be in Olive pants by the end of the night anyway." This triggered the Jessie she knew, the Jessie everyone knew. His fist collided with the side of the door leaving a small dent. It was past the point of calming him down now. He turned around watching her walk towards the house, he hadn’t realized that his knuckles had started to bleed, her ran his fingers through his hair, his breathing heavy and the words ready to escape.

“Yeah I probably will, in fact I’ll probably fuck Nikota too right!? And every other fucking girl I see!” he yelled already knowing he’d gone too far mentioning Niki, but he didn’t really care at this point and like he always did he continued not knowing when to shut up. “But why should you be worried princess.” He said running up to her cutting her off and standing front of her “I’m sure there will be plenty of guys for you to hook up with, your no better than me.” He smirked.